


From Internet to Reality

by indecisivemess



Category: Original Work
Genre: And kinda got lost in my idea, Autistic Character, BUT I STILL LOVE IT, Couch Cuddles, Crying, Dissociation, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Domestic Fluff, First Meetings, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Genderqueer Character, Heterochromia, I am very dissapointed there is not a kitten space tag, I just remembered i didnt put that one, I needed to vent about my stupid trigger so here, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kitten space, Non-Sexual Age Play, Online Friendship, Panic Attacks, Swearing, Synesthesia, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Trans Male Character, Wrote this based off a dream I had, anger issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2019-10-10 21:16:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17433656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indecisivemess/pseuds/indecisivemess
Summary: Jessie and Eli had been friends for years. Through thick and thin, their bond never broke, or wavered. But none of that mattered. Because they were finally meeting.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry in advance if some situations don't make sense. I never set foot in a plane nor a airport, so everything I worte is based off my dream and movies. Good luck :D

Jessie opened her eyes and sighed. It’s been just 4 hours on that big ass metal plane, and she was already sick of it. Everything was so overwhelming: everyone’s voices were too loud, the engines were too loud, the perfumes and the body odors of the people that walked around were too sharp and didn’t leave her nose because they were just as stuck as her in there; the lights were too bright and there was this child crying for one hour straight now. Gosh, she wished she had the strength of that kid. No matter what anyone did, he just wouldn’t stop. From what Jessie had gathered, said kid, sitting right at the front of the plane, appeared to be alone. No woman seemed to be familiar in the little boy’s eyes, and when anyone tried to speak to him about his father, he just cried louder. Most likely divorced couple, the kid came with the mother and they got separated because of the seat’ placements, the brunette supposed, building the story in her mind like some creepy stalker.

It was a habit of her, being sucked into situations where she didn’t belong, just to build a story about characters she knew very little about. Like one of the flight attendants that were walking around. At first glance, she looked nice. Small consistent smile, hair brushed neatly into a small bun, her uniform as perfectly ironed as it could. But something was off with her. Her name plate was nowhere to be seen, her lipstick was just a bit smudged on the left corner of her lips, her eyes seemed dry and wet at the same time, in a weird glossy way. She kept sniffling, never blowing her nose, never letting her smile waver. Either sick or something really bad had happened. It couldn’t be allergies, Jessie’s experience with them was very different than what this lady showed, or rather, her sister’s experience with them. Poor thing, she could barely breathe during spring because she just kept sneezing. One option on the table could be sinusitis, a condition the girl herself holded. It wasn’t as bad to her as it could be, but she knew in what other ways it could affect other people. Her uncle had it and he had lost his sense of smell because of it, and she knew from stories how bad it was when she was a little kid. Due to this, she always carried some pills and little packages of powder with her, in case it got worst out of nowhere. The lady could just be constipated too, but she seemed to be having trouble hearing other people and she kept adjusting the little red scarf she was wearing around her neck to be closer to her skin. It had to be that. The signs were all there. And it didn’t hurt asking, right…?

Jessie breathed in and out and reached for her little bag, trying to not disturb anyone while doing so, and took off the small medication purse she kept with her, checking to see if she had the things she was looking for and smiling when she noticed she had brought them with her. She breathed once again, feeling the tips of her fingers getting cold and her legs shaking slightly as she called the flight attendant, that sniffed before walking up to her.

 

\- How may I help you? – the lady replied in a scratchy voice, adjusting her scarf again like it was a nervous tick at this point.

\- I-I… - Jessie gulped and holded the little package of medicine in her hand. – I noticed you seemed to be kinda sick, a-and I have sinusitis too. I-I always carry these with me in case it gets really bad and I was wondering if you could be suffering from it…?

 

The lady looked taken aback, her eyes looking down at Jessie in a mixture of confusion and surprise, before drifting to the little package she was holding, her expression easing up with familiarity.

 

\- It’s very thoughtful of you, ma’am, but everything is fine. Now if you’ll excuse me-

\- Wait! – Jessie immediately widened her eyes and shrank into her seat. – P-Please take it. I have more just in case, and by the looks of it, it already reached your ears. It’s really bad when it gets to that point. This helps, seriously. I-If you’re afraid it might be something else, you can throw it away, but please…

 

Her trembling hand reached for the attendant, which seemed to sigh in defeat and take the package, just making a small gesture with her head before walking away, the sound of her heels muffled by the carpeted floor. Jessie followed her with her eyes, not as discreet as she thought she was, and noticed another attendant looking at her suspiciously before following her colleague. They disappeared into a small compartment, closing the door after entering and, all of the sudden, it was very hard to breathe. What if she got the lady in trouble? What if she was fired for taking something suspicious from a passenger? What if they kicked her out of the plane for doing something like that? The brunette took in a shaky breath and bit her lip, fidgeting with the ends of her sleeves without tearing her gaze away from the door. It seemed like half an hour had passed before it opened again, both attendants smiling as they walked up to Jessie. The girl freaked out and sat straight in her seat, trying to calm down and not look like she had just been staring at them. The unfamiliar attendant stopped right by her seat, her petite hands resting over her clothed thighs as she leaned into Jessie’s view.

 

\- How did you do that? – the black woman smirked, as if trying not to gush about something.

\- D-did what? – Jessie asked, genuinely confused as the color drained from her face. The attendant simply giggled.

\- How did you know my colleague needed that thing? The little package thing.

\- O-Oh. Uhm, I-I just noticed. I don’t really have noting else to do a-and I recognized the symptoms.

\- That’s freaking amazing – the woman stood straight and handed her a bag of M&M’s. – As a thank you. This stubborn thing didn’t want to take my help, even if I didn’t know she needed that.

 

Jessie looked down and fidgeted with her hands, while the lady in question watched the scene almost shyly, holding onto her colleague’s arm and carefully tugging on it, silently telling her to leave the passenger alone.

 

\- I-I can’t take that. I didn’t do anything, it’s okay- she was quickly cut off as the woman threw the bag into her lap and smiled politely and strained, almost creepily.

\- Thank you for buying our snacks, ma’am. Enjoy the rest of the flight. – She turned around and grabbed onto her friend, gently dragging her away as they muttered something between each other.

 

Jessie stared at the yellow package in her lap and covered her eyes with her hands, giggling nervously to herself. What just happened?! Was this a dream? And her favorite M&M’s too… The girl smiled and saved them in her bag, resting back against her seat and sighing. It probably was. She hadn’t slept at all last night from how nervous she was for this trip and now she had passed out and was dreaming of being nice to people. What a crazy dream.

With an adjustment of her glasses, Jessie went back to the book she was reading, trying to focus on the storyline instead of how the plane could crash at any second or how she could have possibly entered the wrong flight. To anyone’s surprise, it wasn’t working. The book made a funny, pleasant sound when she closed it, and the scent of her house reached her nose, making her slightly more at ease. She really hoped Beatrice was okay. I mean, between the two of them, Bea was the more mature one, despite being the youngest. But she also got lonely very easily. And yes, they had a cat now, a white furry companion to keep their laps warm, but the company of your pet or your sister’s is very different. She wanted to go on this trip, if only to just ease Jessie’s anxiety about the whole ordeal, but her job got in the way last minute. The brunette made a mental note to call her through skype as soon as she found a quiet place with Wi-Fi.

She gave up on her book and let it rest on her lap, turning to her phone to put on some music, shifting in her seat as the tights she was wearing started to bother her. This was the worst part about wearing dresses. It wasn’t the way people looked at you, it was how these fake see-through leggings made all the hair in her legs stand out and gave her the urge to scratch them without being able to. “I shouldn’t be complaining”, Jessie thought to herself as she played with the flowery fabric of her dress. “I promised myself I would wear this dress for him and that’s what I’m going to do”. That immediately made her think about Eli and nervousness, excitement and happiness played in her heart. She was finally going to see him, face to face. They hadn’t planned how things would go once the plane landed, but Eli had given her the address to his place and general info about the cabs and the city. It would be really nice if he was waiting for her at the airport, not only because then he could do all the talking for her, but also because she wouldn’t be totally alone in a new country. And she totally didn’t want to see him in real life. Nope, not at all.

The hours dragged themselves, and she had lost the count of how many coffees she had bought and how many stops they had had already, but when she looked again out the window, the plane was landing and a voice came in through the speakers, first in Spanish, then in what seemed like Dutch, and finally in English. Some confused people looked around and assumed it was time to leave the plane, so they started gathering their things and walking to the exits. Jessie tried to make herself as small as she could in her 5’5 height and tall boots- why had she brought these, right on that day?

Leaving the plane and walking to the airport to check out and grab her bags was all a fast blur. A Chinese couple tried speaking with her in a very broken English and, somehow, they all managed to get to where the couple needed to go with the very few indications the signs provided to them. Next, a little kid started staying she was scary in a very fast Spanish dialect while she was in the line to the checkout, before his mother smacked him in the head and apologized, also in Spanish, making Jessie resource to her very nervous voice to speak in a mixture of Portuguese and Spanish that the lady thankfully comprehended.

When, finally, everything was done and she was walking to the exit with her bags close to her, she finally noticed a huge horizontal line of a variety of people, some holding signs with names on them. Most of them looked like small families looking for their relatives, other looked like very important business man, with their expensive suits and their serious looks. Some even seemed to just be lost and standing next to them so they could ask someone how to navigate in that huge place. Jessie didn’t notice Eli right away, but he was there, desperately looking for her, with a cardboard sign with her name on it. The girl examined the crowd anxiously, a pang of loneliness and comfort coursing through her as she thought how nice it must be to the passengers those people were expecting when they all met. And then her eyes landed on Eli. Jessie barely registered it, frozen in place as she watched the poor guy looking around or admiring the heartfelt reunions happening just by his side. Her heart warmed up and her legs started moving, guiding her to him as her eyes watered. It was stupid how different he looked from the pictures, how much prettier, and skinnier, and  _real_  he looked. A sob ripped out of her throat midway through the crowd of people, Eli still hadn’t noticed her. By this point, the man had given up on the discreet approach and was now jumping up and down, with his arms stretched in the air, holding the cardboard tightly as he tried to search the crowd better, cursing his bad vision and his fogged-up glasses. Jessie giggled at the way his shirt lifted every time he jumped and bit her lip to contain her smile as she now ran in his direction, contouring people and holding her bags tight to not lose them. For whatever reason, Eli noticed the change of her pace, falling to the ground after a jump and staring intensely at Jessie’s face in the distance, panting and trying to see if it was actually her. The woman didn’t hesitate on letting her grin widen when she noticed Eli looking at her and tried to run as fast as she could with those boots on. The man let out a squeak and threw the makeshift sign behind him, running the rest of the way to meet her and opening his arms wide when they met halfway.

At that moment, the world stopped. Nothing else mattered. Jessie dropped everything she was holding to wrap her arms around Eli, crying freely onto his shoulder, and the man didn’t fall behind on his affections, nuzzling into her neck and forever denying the trembling breath he took before mumbling to himself. Jessie sniffed and rubbed her eyes before trying to speak.

 

\- W-What was that? I-I didn’t catch it.

 

Eli sobbed and just hugged her tighter, his body feeling so bony and fragile against her plump frame, but that was an issue for another time.

 

\- You’re here – he whispered, afraid to break to moment. – You’re really here.

\- I guess I am – Jessie giggled nervously and attentively rubbed his back, feeling Eli instantaneously relax as she tried to avoid petting over his binder. – I can’t believe y-you really came to pick me up.

 

The brunette blinked her eyes rapidly and took in a deep breath, despite feeling the fresh tears forming in her eyes again. Eli noticed what was happening and very carefully pulled away from the hug, analyzing her face with a slight confused look.

 

\- Of course I would come pick you up. I know we didn’t talk about it, but I could never leave you alone at a place you’ve never been before – he slowly reached up and pushed her long brown hair behind her back so it wouldn’t get wet with her tears. – Did you doubt that I-

 

He was suddenly cut off by a loud sob that wrecked through Jessie and didn’t have any time to react as she hugged him again, so overwhelmed with emotions that didn’t notice she was mumbling incoherently in Portuguese. Eli just chuckled quietly and looked down, willing away his need to cry.

 

\- English please – he spoked softly, patting her back lightly.

\- I love you so much... – she said in such a broken tone, but at the same time so true to herself, so freeing, finally being able to say it in real life.

 

The man’s breath itched in reflex, his heart hammering in his chest before calming down and smiling wide, resting his forehead on her shoulder as his whole body relaxed and warmed up from the soft contact.

 

\- I love you more – he said teasingly, trying to make Jessie less nervous.

 

Which worked. The woman snorted and pushed his shoulder lightly, sniffling and cleaning her tears again.

 

\- Don’t start, you know I’ll let you win – Eli just giggled at that.

\- Yea, that’s the whole point. I like winning – Jessie snorted hard and held onto her nose, leaning more of her weight into him.

\- Shut up and let me love you – she said naturally, like they were used to having this kind of conversation face to face – Platonically, of course.

 

It was Eli’s turn to snort, shaking his head and making his long blond hair tickle the side of Jessie’s exposed neck.

 

\- Yea yea, I know. That’s like our “no homo” – the woman gasped a little at that.

\- You’re right! But uhm, I’m just really nervous. A-And I really don’t want to mess this up – her voice lost a bit of her excitement, and she shifted as she tried to not tense up.

 

Eli’s eyes widened and he pulled away again, rubbing her arms to reassure her.

 

\- Same. But it’s okay. I’m sorry I hugged you for so long…

 

Jessie shook her head vigorously and looked at him seriously.

 

\- Don’t. I like hugs. If I wasn’t comfortable, I would have pulled away.

\- But-

\- No buts – she stopped for just a second and then smirked, hitting her own posterior. – Butts.

 

Eli stared at her for a solid minute, and then hid his face in his hands and groaned loudly, smiling wide.

 

\- You didn’t just do that.

\- I did and I will do it again if needed – Jessie affirmed playfully, going to smack herself again before a thought stroke her and she completely forgot what they were talking about as she looked behind her, sighing in relief when she saw her bags were still there and walking up to them to pick them up.

 

Eli watched her and thought about what he should do, reaching one of his hands towards one of her bags without saying anything, only noticing the weird look on Jessie’s face when she didn’t let it go. He immediately retreated his hand, not daring to look at her as he stepped away.

 

\- I-I’m sorry, I-I didn’t mean to do that – he said quietly, tensing up.

\- Lizzi, no- Eli. Eli – Jessie corrected herself, wanting to slap herself for the slip of the tongue – I just wasn’t expecting it. Y-You can carry it if you want.

\- Are you sure? – he temptatively looked at her, and she could swear his eyes were shining. She gave him a reassuring smile and stretched her arm in his direction.

 

Eli grinned in return, holding her bag easily and stepping closer to her as they started walking, mindlessly talking about the flight and the shenanigans that happened during it. The man listened attentively, nodding and humming to let her know he was listening, before ceasing his walking in front of a small dark grey car that was in need of a wash.

 

\- Don’t worry, it’s just my ugly car – Eli opened the trunk and landed her bag carefully in the back, gesturing for Jessie to give him the rest of them, but instead, she just threw all of her stuff in there and closed the trunk for him.

\- One, it’s not ugly. And two, I still have hands – she smiled nervously, starting to regret acting like that before Eli burst out laughing.

\- Okay okay, point taken – he dragged her to the front of the car and opened the door for her anyways, smirking when she blushed and tried to sit without tripping.

 

The man walked around and sat behind the wheel, turning on the car and accidentaly making the CD player come to life, the sound of Panic! At The Disco ringing loudly in their ears. Eli quickly tried to make it stop, but he only managed to change the song, Nicotine starting to play. Jessie giggled and grabbed his hand, smiling to him.

 

\- Dude, chill! You know I like them. And you know I love this song. Just- she reached for the buttons that controlled the music and turned down the volume a little. – Just so our ears don’t explode.

 

Eli chuckled and leaned back into his seat, smiling shyly at her and driving safely to his place. The drive wasn’t necessarily long, the traffic was just horrendous, in which they caught themselves in and with no ways of escape, leaving the two friends in awkward silence before Jessie decided to cut it and start talking about some movie she had watched with Beatrice the other night. And, has if by magic, they eased into an excited conversation, like they were used to talking to each other, about each other. Jessie was grinning so hard her cheeks were hurting, but that didn’t matter. This was finally happening, and she wouldn’t change it for anything else in the world. By her side, Eli was thinking exactly the same, glancing at his smiling friend at any chance he got, and barely containing himself to just throw himself into her lap and cuddle her to death. But there was no need for that. Not while they were still in the car. Because as soon as they got to Eli’s apartment, Jessie barely had a chance to admire his home before she was being dragged to the couch and with her arms full, the short man in her lap and his face nuzzled into her neck. And the woman chuckled, relaxing coming easy to her as she petted him distractedly.


	2. Chapter 2

Jessie could barely stop herself from smiling. How had Eli fell asleep on her lap again? She knew for a fact that he had always had really bad insomnias, even though she wasn’t totally sure if they were caused by his ADHD, his anxiety or his PTSD. Maybe a little bit of all, maybe just some, she never had a courage to ask him. Either way, she must be really comfortable, because he was out like a light.

The brunette finally let herself grin at the situation, glancing down at her best friend. Eli was curled up with his knees up to his chest, held securely in place by his own arms; he must have hugged them while Jessie was freaking out. His head was lolled against her left shoulder, weighting barely nothing even though he was completely relaxed, and the woman exhaled slowly through her nose, her very strong maternal instincts kicking in. She hated those with a burning passion, but the soft, unstrained expression on Eli’s face did things to her, remembered her how much she wanted to be here, to protect him.

Right then, the small man stirred and breathed in, pressing his cheek into Jessie’s shoulder and moving his muscles in a way that looked like he was smiling in his sleep, content for sensing someone else’s body there with him. The woman held her breath all the while he snuggled up to her, quietly sighing when he didn’t open his eyes. His long hair moved with him, a few strands coming up to rest over his shoulder and obscuring his face from Jessie’s view, saddening and exciting her at the same time. She was going to have a heart attack, that was it. Imagination couldn’t compare to how cute he looked in real life.

The woman forced herself to look away, trying to calm down before she got lost in her own emotions and woke him up. Without noticing, she started taking in his apartment. She had seen very little of it, in backgrounds from the many selfies Eli sent her every now and then, and occasionally when he cleaned the place and decided to let her know, so they could be both proud of the little man. Even with her vast sense of wonder, she couldn’t have pictured it to be like this. It was fairly simple, as any apartment for 2 people could be in London. It wasn’t stupidly expensive, or rather, it didn’t look like that, but it also didn’t seem as if Eli was scrapping every penny of his salary to pay for it. Jessie couldn’t see all the details, since the lights weren’t turned on in Eli’s rush to get to the couch, and the few rays of sunshine that managed to burst through the heavy rainy clouds and into his house, through a window behind the sofa, didn’t do much to lighten up the environment.

Still, it was something, so she looked around. The walls seemed to be painted in some warm type of blue, maybe even gray but the lightning didn’t help distinguish them. In front of the couch they were in was a small coffee table, seemingly made of wood, and further away was a stand with a TV on it. It wasn’t as bad as she had imagined, since Eli had talked to her about how he was kind of bummed out he couldn’t afford a better one with the money he had at the time. But she knew very little about televisions, so how could she tell. On the left side of the devise, pushed against a corner, stood a bookshelf, with all sorts of things she couldn’t pick out from the distance. On the right side was a big fake house plant, or at least she hoped it was fake. They both knew if it was real, it wouldn’t last very long. Jessie couldn’t dare to look behind her, in fear of waking Eli, but she recalled that the living room wasn’t much bigger than what her eyes could see now. There was a big window that she thinks reached the ground, with faded white, see through curtains, and a long, extended mirror pinned on the far wall, set over what looked like a wooden stand with a few frames on it. Well, they looked like frames; Jessie wasn’t totally sure as she tried to picture the room again.

The door to the room was carelessly pressed against the wall, opened in a hurry and most likely already known for bruising said wall and whitening its painting. It looked gloomy and dark from where she stood, most likely made out of wood like most doors were, but also far too tall for Eli’s tiny body. That made Jessie smile to herself. He couldn’t hit his forehead on the door frame not even if he tried. From the little she could see of the hall, it was simply composed of the front door and a simple grey fluffy carpet that needed to be cleaned. The light was on there, a weak yellow glow, indicating that the lightbulb probably needed to change soon enough, casted dark shadows in the half of the room they were on.

Nevertheless, this part of the house looked inviting. Her bags were dropped over the carpet, and Eli’s jacket was currently on the wooden floor of the living room, right by the couch, and Jessie giggled softly at the scene. He was always so careless when he acted impulsive. A few other jackets and hoodies left over the arm of the couch and a beany forgotten over the coffee table proved that for sure. They also made the house seem lived in, so it didn’t bother Jessie too much.

The woman kept looking around, imagining Eli walking around that room. Rushing to get to work, or simply relaxing on the couch; the possibilities were endless, and they kept her mind working, distracted. Only a loud siren shook her from her thoughts. From its sound, it seemed like the ambulance was having a hard time contouring the cars on the small road next to Eli’s apartment. She bet that she could see it if she got up and looked out the window and down into the confusion that was that corner of London. Jessie finally sighed in relief, the loud ringing slowly dissipating as the ambulance drove down the street, more and more far from them until she couldn’t hear it anymore. Suddenly she remembered Eli and quickly looked down, her worry calming down as fast as it appeared when the man still remained asleep in her arms. Man, she knew he was a heavy sleeper, but it was ridiculous to this point! “He must have been really tired…”, she thought, absently pushing Eli’s hair gently out of his face, lost in her own head. The only thing that pulled her out was the barely audible whimper that came out of Eli’s throat, before he curled more into himself and pressed his eyelids closer together.

Jessie immediately started freaking out, straightening her back and trying to wrap her arms around him, but the man woke up before she had the chance, his breathing fast and uneven as he looked around, doing his best to see where he was. The brunette lost her voice at the realization the Eli had had a nightmare, right there on her lap, and she couldn’t help in any way. Soon enough, his head snapped to look at Jessie, since she had managed to grip his arms before reining on herself for her supposed failures, and his whole body went hard as stone.

“He’s here. Oh nonono, how’s he here? How did he find me? How did he get in?!”, Eli thought, his breathing rapidly picking up as the blurry figure seemed to lean into him. He shouldn’t move, he couldn’t! Who knew what he could do to him if he did! He would die. He would kill him for sure. What would happen to Jessie if that happened? As his thoughts spiraled down, the last one made him blink. Jessie. She was supposed to be in the apartment. Where was she?! Eli tried to look around, his vision fogged by the panic, but he felt the hold on him weaken, he heard something. That wasn’t right. Why wasn’t anything happening? Why wasn’t him pinned against the couch? This was too soft, too slow to be him. The figure wasn’t him? Eli blinked more, squinting his eyes to make out the features of the figure right there with him. The anxiety clogging up his throat wasn’t helping at all, and the burning in his lungs was too distracting. He couldn’t feel his arms, he couldn’t feel his legs, but the body under him seemed to be shaking. That make even less sense. His hands found a way into his hair and gripped onto it tightly, like they had a mind of their own, and the sharp pain on his scalp cleared his vision. Turquoise flooded his sight and suddenly, he felt like he could breathe. The faint sound of Jessie’s alarmed voice reached his ears and he poured all of his strength and will into focusing in what she was saying.

 

\- It’s okay, I promise it’s okay – The woman took a breath of her own, her trembling hands hovering in the air close to Eli, but not really touching him. – L-Look at me, okay? Breathe with me, okay-y?

 

Jessie then proceeded to start some sort of breathing exercise exaggeratedly, hoping her friend could finally hear her. When Eli’s small hand gripped tightly onto the fabric of her dress and took in a big breath, the woman almost cried, her eyes burning famialiry.

 

\- Y-Yea, that’s it. – her voice eased up with hope, sounding warm in the man’s ears. – Keep going.

 

Jessie breathed in again, and Eli followed not too long after. He couldn’t tear his gaze away from her face, even though he couldn’t see her. All he could see was blue and the overwhelming relief that came with it was almost throwing his mind into a shut down, but he resisted. Jessie wouldn’t want that; he needed to fight. They stayed like that for a while, breathing in sink until the man calmed down enough to breathe on his own. It took longer than what the woman expected, and she wondered how on earth he hadn’t passed out, but the trembling had toned down, and the tears had dried. It didn’t matter from who those were. She was surprised with herself, how she had managed to help somehow when she always froze when she saw someone having a panic attack in front of her. However, that didn’t mean her job was done. She felt her own throat scratching and the emotions coursing through her veins, freezing her hands and her feet but she couldn’t stop now.

 

\- C-Can I touch you? – she spoke softly, almost unsure if loud enough for Eli to hear when he didn’t move, so she tried again, feeling the weakness in her own voice. – C-Can I touch you, p-please?

 

The man remained quiet, still breathing calmly through his mouth to make sure his anxiety wouldn’t go through the roof again, and instead of speaking, he leaned his weight on her and moved his head to rest his ear over her heart, visibly relaxing at hearing the sound of its palpitations. Jessie’s chest ached painfully, and she hugged him tightly, crying silently. That was enough of an answer for her. Eli willed his arms to move, sensing the heaviness and the formicary in them as he tried to hug back, but he ignored to after effects. Blue was safe. Blue was warm and calm and gentle. Blue wouldn´t hurt him. Blue would protect him.

Jessie sniffled and reached her hand towards her face to brush away the tears and the snot. She’d rather kill herself than get Eli’s precious hair dirty with her emotions. Right then, the man dared to peek at her, widening his eyes when he saw her crying and brought his hands up to touch her face before curling them into fists and giving up, resting them on her shoulders. He wasn’t allowed to touch.

 

\- Eli, it’s okay! I-I’m okay- she quickly rubbed her face with her sleeve and tilted her head to look at his face. – Look at me please.

 

Eli did as he was told, biting his lip as his hands started shaking again. Jessie holded them without thinking twice, pressing them against her chest.

 

\- Non-verbal?

 

The man nodded and looked away, ashamed and disgusted with himself, already beating himself down for being so pathetic.

 

\- Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that, I promise – she pressed his hands closer to her, squeezing them. – Take all the time you need, I won’t go anywhere.

 

The blonde sniffled and nodded again, moving his nose uncomfortably. Jessie stared at him and let go of one of his hands, searching in her pocket for her tissues and taking it out in the open, showing it to Eli before letting go of his other hand. She immediately felt his arms wrapping desperately around her waist and she smiled sadly as she took one small rectangle of paper out of its package, gently cupping Eli’s cheek and pressing it against his nose, trying to blow it as carefully and effectively as she could. Then, she blew her own nose, the loud sound startling the frightened man before his cheeks turned red and he hid his face against her chest. Jessie stared at him and laughed loudly, louder than the sound her nose made, but Eli didn’t jump this time. Her laugh was happy, pouring over him like warm water, and he felt himself smile, his muscles untensing at realizing she was okay, that she wasn’t bothered by his weaknesses.

At his own pace, it calmed down, devolving into a wide smile as she rubbed his back. He seemed to want to move, and her smile dropped a little as she pulled her hands away, but Eli only snuggled closer to her, breathing in her perfume.

 

\- Aww – Jessie let out, giggling when she spotted the heavy red on her friend’s cheeks.

 

He shook his head, as if to say he wasn’t cute like he always did on their chats, and the woman simply grinned, petting his hair to have something to do with her hands.

 

\- Okay, you are not cute. You are a very manly man, a man who is manly.

 

There was a sound, like a snort, and Eli moved to cover his mouth as Jessie smirked at the reference.

 

\- I still think you’re adorable tho~

 

This time, her friend whined and looked at her angrily, his small pout adorned by his burning blush.

 

\- Okay okay, I’m sorry – she reached out and gently held his face, caressing his cheeks.

 

She half expected the blush to get worst, but when it toned down a little and she felt Eli leaning into her touch instead, she didn’t complain. In fact, she looked away and coughed to hide her own blush, which she felt already spreading fast across her features.

 

\- D-Do you want water? I feel like you need it- she quickly tried to change the subject, before realizing she had no idea where his kitchen was.

 

The man nodded anyways, but seemed troubled, and Jessie couldn’t really pin the reason why.

 

\- Hey, it’s okay. I’m gonna carry you there now – she tried, and Eli calmed down.

 

The woman shifted him in her arms before getting up, to make sure she couldn’t drop him and tentatively walked out of the room, looking around and spotting three other doors down the hallway. She bit her lip and walked to the first one, the closest, and peeked inside, since it was the only other room that had the door open and smiled in success when the space looked somewhat like a kitchen. She didn’t waste time looking around, instead turning on the lights and walking up directly to the sink, thanking God that there was already a glass sitting by it before realizing her predicament. She tried to think and felt the counter before gently lowering Eli into it when she felt it wasn’t dirty or wet.

The man, however, shrank into himself and despite his features not changing, he seemed sad somehow. Jessie widened her eyes and stepped closer to him.

 

\- Hey, I just need to get the water, alright? I’m not leaving you alone, okay- she reassured him the best he could, grabbing the forgotten glass and showing it to him before turning on the water and filling it up. – Can you hold it?

 

Eli stared at it for a second and thought about it before shyly reaching his hands towards the glass and taking it, his eyes glued to the water as he revolved his head around how to thank Jessie without speaking. When he looked back at her, though, she was smiling proudly at him, moving her head as if to encourage him to drink. The corners of his mouth lifted the tiniest bit, gulping the water in one go. He almost moaned at how invigorating it felt, not knowing he was that thirsty and leaning over to the sink to fill the cup one more time. Jessie giggled at him and ran her hands through the fabric of her dress, smoothing it, and grabbed at her tights before tugging them back up. They always slid down her legs, it was so annoying. When she lifted her eyes, Eli had finished his second glass of water and was patiently waiting for her, having already put the glass on the sink and making grabby hands at her when he noticed the attention. Jessie quickly covered her face, screaming internally at how cute he looked, before walking up to him and picking him up again.

 

\- Where do you wanna go now?

 

“Room”, he thought but then remembered Jessie still couldn’t read his mind, so pointed to the exit of the kitchen. His friend nodded and left that space, looking down at him for the next direction. Eli then pointed to the furthest door, the only one painted in white, and the woman walked up to it. When they got there, she tentatively pushed the door, which moved from her touch, and she stepped inside his room, leaving it open and turning on the lights to the mess that was Eli’s bedroom. Her mouth dropped at the sight: there were clothes all over the ground, to the point you couldn’t see the floor; and his bed was basically a nest, a ball of blankets and pillows in where his laptop and possibly even food drowned.

When Jessie snapped out of her shock and looked down at the blonde, it seemed like he had no excuse, embarrassingly playing with his fingers and not looking at her. The woman sighed and walked towards the bed.

 

\- I was expecting this, but not as bad – she gently lowered him onto the mattress and reached her hand into her forehead – I’ll help you clean this later.

 

Eli beamed and smiled wide, throwing himself back and opening out his arms and legs so he could hug his friend as a way to say thank you. When she didn’t fall on top of him, however, his smile vanished and he lowered his arms, looking at her worriedly.

 

\- Ah no, shit – she mumbled and sighed, fidgeting with the ends of her sleeves. – How should I put this, uhm… I-I don’t want to make it weird, but your room looks very personal, a-and I don’t wanna go into your bed without permission. A-and also because of all the implications…

 

The man blinked innocently, sitting up and opening his arms out again. Jessie looked at him, puzzled, before he made grabby hands at her and jumped on the place he was sitting, looking like he wanted to tell her to just sit down. The brunette smiled shyly and sat down next to him, totally not prepared for him to crawl into her lap and cling to her. The more he shifted, the more she blushed, but she tried to calm her pounding heart and attend to his needs, pushing him as close as she could before nuzzling into his neck, feeling Eli squeak happily at her affections.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aphantasia is briefly mentioned in this chapter, and since the word doc didn't recognize the word as something existing, here's a very good link explaining it -> http://aphant.asia/have-i-got-aphantasia
> 
> Also, i describe kitten space the best i can in this. If you leave a hurtful comment, i am deleting it.

Jessie wambled on the bed, a habit of her when she was nervous about something, and felt all the color drain from her cheeks as the springs of Eli’s mattress squeaked almost inaudibly. She took in a deep breath, pressing her palm flat on his lower back and not letting it get to her. It was just a bed, c’mon.

“You should be happy he isn’t sleeping on the couch. He’s the only one paying for this place, of course he would get a cheap mattress just to get by”, she told herself, closing her eyes and nuzzling closer to his neck. Her chest was starting to ache again, not just from panic, but also disgust, her nausea rising up her throat quickly. But it was okay. Eli didn’t smell like him at all. The shampoo wasn’t the same, the deodorant wasn’t the same, the breath wasn’t the same. Focusing on that calmed her down if just a little. It might be weird, but scents were really important to her. On a very close second place, only beaten by emotions, odors were the only other thing that she could remember vividly.

The blonde didn’t seem to notice her turmoil, drowning happily in the sensations of being taken care of, and so, threw all caution out the window, letting his impulsivity run wild as he pushed his friend back against the bed so he could snuggle up to her chest and lay down like a small kitten.

The wind was knocked out of Jessie’s lungs as soon as she felt her bones make contact with the springs of Eli’s mattress and her vision immediately blacked out. All the stages of panic flashed in seconds, and her breathing rapidly picked up as her whole figure trembled, making her heart sore with the sudden change.

She wasn’t in her friend’s room anymore. She was back at his place, back in his bed. She could feel his flat pillow under her head and hear her mind screaming loudly as he spread her legs apart. It got so rowdy that it completely shut down, the red numbers of his alarm clock burning permanently in her eyes as he got closer. He reached out and wrapped a hand around her arm, and she anticipated the gross warmth of his palm against her skin, but it never came. Her eyes stung with unshed tears and everything was still deep black, but the hand touching her was cold, ice cold, and trembling violently. The sharp contrast made her suddenly turn to her side, pulling her arm away from the gelid touch, and then she heard a soft thud, a body falling right next to her. The mattress dipped, the motion shaking the bedframe in a very unstable way, and when Jessie blinked again, her eyes met light. She could see Eli’s soft ruddy covers and one of his binders being squished by the man in question, which was looking at her petrified.

 

\- M-Master? – Eli tried, his quivering voice matching his expression.

 

The sound made her ears ring and she reached one hand up to cover it, while another grabbed at her throat, the shaking of her members and the wetness of her tears shocking her back to reality. Despite knowing how terrified her friend must be right now, she couldn’t tear her wide eyes away from his, taking in a big breath before coughing violently, making her grab at the fabric of her dress over her heart.

 

\- Master, what is happening?! – the man spoke in a squeaky tone, showing his despair at being unable to understand emotions.

 

Jessie held onto the sound of his voice, gripping steadily at her chest before trying to take another big gulp of air. This time, she managed to hold it, even if her windpipe scratched like all hell, and she let it go as slow as she could, not finding the energy to put a break on the tears that still flooded down her eyes.

 

\- F-Flash… Flashb-back - she dared say, her jaw heavy and stiff from clenching her teeth together, and she could see the confusion and the fear swirling in Eli’s eyes.

 

The man opened his mouth to speak, he needed to say something, but no sound came out. He could feel the panic prickling at his hands slowly going away as he saw Jessie’s efforts to recover her breath, but a heavy sense of failure came in to substitute it. He was useless. He couldn’t help at all when the woman had tried so hard to help him. Faster than what they both expected, the brunette’s respiration was back to somewhat normal, in spite of her hand still not leaving her chest.

 

\- D-Does… I-Is your heart okay? – the blonde forced out, doing his best to not go non-verbal again. The memory shocked him with the fact that the innocent murmur in Jessie’s heart could be bothering her, like the woman had previously explained sometimes happened. He knew it wasn’t really harmful, but it did make her right side ache uncomfortably for a while, and her palpitations could even be set off, persisting really fast for a while, which, lately, had been occurring mostly due to her panic attacks.

 

His eyes landed on the hand over her chest, trying to imagine how his friend would normally react if the worst case scenario was unrolling, and cursed her aphantasia for not being able to picture it. Still, he couldn’t tear his gaze away. After a small eternity, Jessie’s fingers slowly uncurled, letting go of the fabric and pressing flatly over her heart, pressuring into her bones to give herself some kind of comfort. Finally, she answered, nodding and showing off a strained smile.

 

\- I-I’m okay – her voice was coarse, and she bit her lip as she ignored the way her brain was fogging up, the way her throat seemed to slowly close up. – C-Come here, please.

 

The woman patted the sheets weakly, gesturing for him to lie down, and Eli didn’t hesitate in following her request, carefully lying down next to her, leaving a safe distance between them. The sad look Jessie gave him broke his heart and he immediately closed that space, scooting up to her. He moved his mouth to say something, but his friend stopped him, gingerly holding his hands and placing them on both of her own cheeks.

 

\- I’m sorry, kitten – she sounded utterly wrecked, her glossy eyes welling up with tears again. – I’m so sorry, i-it’s not your fault…

 

Eli widened his eyes and squawked, putting just a bit more pressure into her cheeks and admiring how squishy and soft they were, making him lose track of what to say to comfort her.

 

\- No! No master, no! – he shuffled closer and pressed against her innocently, hoping to calm her down with the warmth of his tiny body. He did his best, but his voice still cracked, panicky. – I love you!

 

Jessie looked surprised and wanted to move forward, but they were close enough already, so she preferred to squeeze his wrists instead. The tears were barely holding onto her eyelids, not spilling no matter how much she wanted them to, as she tried to gather her courage to say the right thing.

 

\- I-I… I-I – she bit her lip hard, she couldn’t say it. – L-Like you too. S-So much. I can’t- - a sob cut her out, her eyes closing in shame.

 

\- I know! I know… - Eli looked lost, worry making his cheeks hurt. – I’m sorry…

 

He spoke like he was defeated, tired even, and pulled his hands away from her cheeks so he could wrap his arms around her neck, pressing their foreheads together and messing both of their hairs by nuzzling into it, sighing quietly. Such a simple gesture showed everything Jessie needed to know. They were both broken, and she knew Eli was trying his best, so she couldn’t ask for more. So she pressed her forehead right back and cried quietly, her smile trembling as she closed her eyes tight and hugged his waist.

 

\- Thank you so much. D-Don’t apologize.

 

The man nodded, not sure how to react, and shyly poked his tongue out of his mouth to lick away her tears, whimpering and letting it dry outside as the salty taste made contact with his taste buds. Nonetheless, he kept going, feeling a weird warm in his heart when his friend opened her eyes and stared at him, almost lost.

 

\- Don’t cry – he spoke without thinking. – I’ll make you happy, so please don’t cry.

 

Jessie widened her eyes and searched his face, trying to arrange her thoughts before speaking.

 

\- N-No. Baby, what are you saying? I’m okay, really – she pressed her lips into a thin line before leaving a gentle kiss on the tip of his nose. – You’re already making me happy, really.

 

Eli still seemed doubtful, but didn’t dare contradict her, so remained speechless, timidly peeking directly into her eyes every once in a while to see if the tears had really ceased. After a long silence, only filled with Jessie’s soft breathing, the woman broke the tension.

 

\- I didn’t ask if you wanted your nicknames, I’m sorry. I acted on impulse to calm you down and I didn’t ask for consent…

 

The man whined and looked slightly mad, but mostly just trying to tone down his excitement.

 

\- I like my nicknames! And you did the right thing, master, don’t worry. You’re more important though, and you couldn’t ask that while panicking.

 

His voice was childlike, and the woman relaxed for knowing he was so deep in kitten space her stupid shenanigans wouldn’t hurt him enough to pull him out.

 

\- Okay, my love – she said, feeling her cheeks warming without her control. – M-Master still wants to make it up to you. For giving you such a big scare. H-How can I do that?

 

Eli stared intensely at her, his brain going through all the ideas that were quickly popping up, not letting him notice the small smile and the bright happy aura he was giving out. When he stayed quiet though, Jessie worried, forcefully pushing all the sexual ideas that this situation brought afloat. It wasn’t like that. Her friend was fragile in her kitten space, what was she thinking.

 

\- Y-You can ask for anything, I promise.

 

His eyes basically shined, and he bounced ecstatically, trying to keep his positive emotions at bay.

 

\- Can I put on my ears?

 

The brunette looked at him and smiled warmly, gently petting his hair.

 

\- Of course you can. Go get them for me, okay?

 

Eli squeaked and nodded quickly, jumping out of the bed and running across the room, stopping in front of a box by his closet. He knelt on the ground and opened it up with the tips of his fingers, almost like pretending to have small claws, and fetched a pair of soft looking purple ears, trapped together in a firm black headband. He resisted the urge to put them on his head right away and took another item out of the box, skipping back to the bed with the secret behind his back.

Jessie could hear him moving around and peeked over her shoulder until her friend flopped on the bed next to her, letting the secret fall behind him so he could hold his ears proudly with both hands. The woman could feel her heart soring from the cuteness and slowly sit down, not taking her eyes off the headband as she gently took it from him. Eli’s smile immediately dropped in betrayal and worry, before feeling the brunette carefully placing the ears on his head.

 

\- There – she said softly, smiling warmly. – They look really good on you.

 

The blonde beamed so brightly he could rival the sun and he tackle hugged his master without thinking of the consequences. He felt Jessie flinch and held his breath in regret, but nothing happened. The woman simply relaxed after the shock was over and pressed back into him so they couldn’t fall back onto the bed.

While her precious kitten smiled joyfully, she spotted something black behind him.

 

\- Kitten, what is that? – she asked genuinely, since her glasses were so dirty she could barely see through the stains.

 

\- Uh… - he tensed up, peeking over his shoulder briefly before hiding his face in her chest.

 

\- No, seriously. I can’t see what it is. I mean, I kinda can but is this sort of black blur??

 

\- Oh! – Eli pulled away and let his master see his smile before he turned and grabbed the item he had brought with him, shyly showing it to Jessie.

 

\- Oh – The woman blinked and picked up the collar, feeling the durable material of it under her digits and wondering what it was made out of.

 

Lost in her thoughts, she didn’t notice she kept staring at the collar, not giving her kitten any sort of answer. Her anxious companion quickly started regretting bringing it.

 

\- I-I’m sorry, I didn’t really mean to uh, bring that with me. I-It was silly, ‘m sorry – then proceeded to reach his hands towards it, so he could store it away. That snapped Jessie out of it.

 

\- Baby, what are you saying? It’s okay, really – she proved it by holding the collar firmly and smiling shyly. – I know what this means, but are you sure?

 

She didn’t feel the need to say what that represented out loud, knowing fully well from the many roleplay group chats they had that it made people feel safe and like they belonged to someone, specifically to their master. The woman hadn’t fully understood it at first, but she didn’t question it either. If Eli needed this, then she would give it to him, even if this all held weird implications outside that room. They were friends, and had been for almost a decade, and Jessie had been his master for almost as long. She knew how frail her kitten’s reliance in someone was, and to know she had managed to keep it intact all those years made her proud and extremely anxious. She hadn’t expected it, but it wasn’t an unpleasant surprise. This was Eli’s way of saying that he trusted her with all his soul and that made her heart swell. You could say it grew two sizes when he bashfully, but surely, nodded.

Jessie did her best to unclip the collar, before she found out that the clasp that held it together was actually fake, and that the leash was in one piece thanks to a small magnet. She pulled at it and it opened out in her hands, while she wondered if this rough material wouldn’t be uncomfortable to her little kitten. She kept quiet about it though, not wasting any more time and putting the collar around Eli’s neck, making sure there was at least one finger worth of space between it and his throat before letting the magnet glue on the right place. As soon as she was done, her kitten meowed happily and tried to exhale through his mouth to make a purr, but had to try a couple of times before managing to do it successfully. His master just stared at him and blushed, looking away when her embarrassment was finally too much to bare. Eli giggled and kneaded on her lap lightly, being thoughtful and doing his best to not trigger another flashback somehow, and when his master started petting his hair even though she still wasn’t looking at him, he didn’t regret the broken purr he attempted to let out.

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one didn't turn out as i wanted it too, but im too sleepy to think so here, i guess

They stayed like that for a little while, Jessie feeling his hair under her fingertips, and Eli relaxing into her touch, before the silence became too much for the woman. She let her mind wander, letting it take her back to the plane, to her grabbing her bags from the top compartment where they let the passengers have their things. She hadn’t left anything behind, right? If she did, she couldn’t confirm it now, not having any other reason to get up and leave her kitten alone. And that left her with an uncomfortable scratching at her chest. “Everything is fine, don’t be silly”, she repeated to herself, over and over again, as she tentatively reached out and pulled Eli’s head against her chest. The man happily took the new position and rested his weight on her, wrapping his arms around her waist and humming quietly. The comforting touch proved to be the perfect distraction, but something still felt off. She was forgetting something for sure…

 

-Ah! – she suddenly shouted, startling her friend. The woman quickly moved a hand to cover her mouth, flushing in embarrassment – I-I’m sorry, baby, master just remembered something. Uhm, oh god, this will sound so bad, but… could you please, uhm, g-give me your wifi password?

 

Eli innocently tilted his head to the side, blinking at her.

 

\- Just that?

 

Jessie had to put the break on her thought process for a moment, confused.

 

\- Uhm, what do you mean?

\- I mean exactly that! This house is yours too, master! – he smiled shyly, playing with his fingers. – Well, I mean, kinda. I don’t know.

 

The brunette grinned gently and patted his head.

 

\- Yea, it can be if you wanna. But it will still be mostly your house – the man giggled at that.

\- Well, of course! I bought it with my money – for no particular reason, it seemed, he started bouncing on the bed, still pressed close to Jessie, but she didn’t mind it.

 

The woman went to reach behind her back when she remembered she wasn’t wearing pants, and groaned to herself at her stupidity.

 

\- Wait here for a bit, master needs to go get her phone.

 

She gently pushed him and made a move to get off the bed, but Eli whined involuntarily, watching her from the mattress with hurt eyes that cut right into his maternal friend.

 

\- Ah no, I’m sorry. I won’t take long, I’ll run and be right back, okay? – she leaned down and took his cheeks into her hands, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead before running off the room, avoiding hearing his complaints.

 

However, the age regressed man still did it, whimpering and meowling brokenly as her figure disappeared into the hallway. He could hear her steps getting further away and the solitude of his suddenly enormous room invited his intrusive thoughts inside his head. His throat closed so quickly at what the voices told him that he could barely cry out, curling onto himself and falling sideways into the bed, over the spot where Jessie had previous laid down, and the sweet scent that still lingered made him nostalgic, like a child missing his mother.

Before he noticed it, his master was by his side again. He lifted his head to look at her right on the moment the smile slipped from her lips, worry settling in her chest.

 

\- I’m sorry… - she knelt in front of him, catching his eyes, and he resisted the urge to throw himself at her – My phone slipped to the bottom of the bag and I wasn’t finding it.

 

Eli believed her with all his heart, but the voices still persisted, urging him to bite his lip, trying to fight them with the sting pain. Opening her mouth to speak, it was as if she had read his mind:

 

\- I wasn’t gonna leave you. I just got here, and I want nothing less than to spend as much time as I can with you – She carefully reached and caresses his cheek with her thumb, taking her time to soothe him. – The voices are lying. I... I-I love you, more than anything on this world.

 

Jessie could feel her eyes burning, nervous tears building up like they always did every time she said that, but she had grown used to it. It was a healthy way of her body telling her she was overflowing with happiness, to the point of letting it show to other people in all the ways she knew. The woman took her chance and slowly averted her eyes to meet his, but before she could, Eli was jumping on her, successfully making them both fall back onto a big pile of clothes. Jessie gasped in alarm, but the trembling man on her arms quickly rearranged her priorities.

 

\- Masteeer… - he whined, cuddling as close as he could to her, and very carefully reaching over to her neck, nuzzling into it.

 

His friend held back a laugh, the tip of his cold nose brushing right in all her ticklish spots, but she ignored it in favor of rubbing his back.

 

\- It’s okay, master is here – her head rested lightly over his and the sigh that left her lips carried with it all the tension in her body.

 

Feeling it under him, Eli followed closely behind, trying to peek at her without moving his head. He felt the vibrations on Jessie’s loud laugh right against his head, and it was the weirdest and the best sensation he ever felt in his life.

 

\- You’re a little copycat, huh?

 

He blushed at the comparison and hid his face further into her neck, making her hiss quietly as he now brushed against other places, but she frantically pushed those sensations aside.

 

\- P-Password? Please?

\- Oh, right – he pulled away from her and grabbed her phone without thinking twice, only realizing what he was doing when her lock screen barred him outside. The woman shook her head and gently retrieved her phone back, unlocking it and giving it back to him.

 

Her kitten quickly helped her out, waiting patiently for the wifi to connect before giving the device back to its owner with a little purr. She thanked him with a soft giggle and a pat on the head, which he leaned into, lingering for as long as he could.

 

\- Master needs to talk with her sister now, okay? – she said, her finger hovering over the blue icon of the skype app. If Eli’s ears were real, they would have dropped down against his head, but he still agreed, nodding defeatedly – I just need to let her know I’m okay. You still have my full attention, baby.

 

She proceeded to sit up and wrap an arm around his shoulders, keeping him close as she went through her contacts and clicked on one with a really similar face to hers. As the call connected, she disabled the camera and activated the speaker, immediately hearing her sister’s fake angry voice barging through. By her side, Eli jumped a little and Jessie simply chuckled, taking some time to let her brain process Portuguese again before starting a conversation with Beatrice. What everyone expected to be a short call turned much bigger, with the brunette excitedly telling her about the planes and the airports and how she was loving everything so far. She couldn’t see it, but her sister kept rolling her eyes fondly at her silliness, already expecting before hand for the eldest to get hyper with meeting one of her only friends.

Meanwhile, Eli wasn’t finding the conversation all that entertaining. He could barely understand Portuguese, having dropped his attempts at learning it many years ago, and now more than ever, he regretted it immensely. His master looked so much happier and expressive while speaking her mother tongue, gesturing wildly even if she knew perfectly well the person on the other side of the line couldn’t see her. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he knew she had taken much more work into her hands to learn English for his benefit, and he couldn’t even do it back. The thought made him sigh heavily, shrugging off Jessie’s hold and resting his head over her lap, fighting his boredom so he could remain being a good kitten. However, when the woman barely even noticed that he had moved, from how focused she was in speaking with her sister, the sadness and the anger mixed in his chest until they blended into jealousy. He wanted her attention, all of it, right now! Eli first tried dragging out a purr, to which Jessie absently responded with a light pet of his hair, but that wasn’t enough. He meowed this time, shuffling a little, but his master didn’t even move. The burn on his chest was close to resentfulness now, and he was getting sick of it. He cried louder and nuzzled gruffly into her stomach, his anger calming down slightly at the warmth and the softness of it, but he didn’t drown for long, as a squeak and a push made him widen his eyes, watching his master cover her belly with a hand as her face flushed.

 

\- W-What are you doing? – she asked, pressing her knees together, feeling very vulnerable all of the sudden.

\- Attention! – he demanded, pouting hard and crossing his arms over his chest.

 

Jessie blinked at him in disbelief, looking at a lost of what to do.

 

\- What- really? I was giving you attention, baby. You just had to wait until I finished talking-

\- No! I want it now! – Eli cut her short, seemingly close to throwing a tantrum, hitting his curled fists over the scattered clothes on the floor and sticking his bottom lip out in rage.

 

He could hear the person on the phone speaking and then Jessie sighing as she replied in Portuguese before hanging up. Only when the funny sound of the call ending reached his ears the coin dropped. He looked up at his master, and the way she was looking back at him was a mixture of disappointment and anger.

 

\- I didn’t expect this coming from you, Eli – he knew he had fucked up pretty bad when he heard his first name being spoken, and not one of his nicknames. His whole attitude flopped, and he felt close to crying, hugging himself as he lowered his head. He wanted to apologize, to do something, but his body wasn’t working.

 

Cautiously, Jessie shuffled closer to him, but he still shrank away from her, eyeing her like a scared prey. She sighed, trying to keep her emotions at bay, and didn’t press forward, staying where she was.

 

\- I’m not mad at you, kitten – his eyes regained his shine at hearing that. – But I’m also not happy, obviously. You were a bad kitten. Even my sister got worried something had happened because you shouted out of nowhere.

 

Eli shrank more into himself, mumbling an apology before his body started shaking. The woman sighed again and ignored all boundaries by hugging him tight, even if he struggled to get out of her hold.

 

\- I still love you and you need to know that master can’t focus on too many things at once. I was going back to you right after the call ended. That’s why I’m here, right?

 

She reached and pushed his head onto her chest, a bad habit she was gaining very quickly, and kept him there until he calmed down slightly. Weirdly enough, Eli heard her taking a couple of deep breaths before letting go of him, right when the hug was starting to feel nice.

 

\- I’m gonna order us some pizzas for lunch. You prolly forgot to eat, and I was too nervous to, so it will be good for the both of us.

 

She grabbed her phone and sluggishly scrolled through the google results, clicking at a random one and ordering two medium pizzas of different flavors, making sure that none had something in them that was bad for Eli before confirming the order. Quietly, she got up and walked out of the room, kneeling in front of her bags to retrieve her wallet and taking out the right amount of money to pay for the pizzas, leaving it lazily at the entrance to the living room, right there on the floor, before coming back to Eli. Her kitten was curled up onto himself, but he wasn’t shaking or even moving at all. He barely looked like he was breathing. As she made her way back to him, he spoke:

 

\- I’m sorry…

\- It’s okay – she replied without thinking twice.

\- But-

\- I said it was okay. I get it – she leans over and wraps her arms around him, holding him close. – I ordered from domino’s, I hope that’s okay?

 

The man gave a weak nod and leaned into her, almost looking like he was about to fall asleep from how sluggish his gestures had become. Jessie smiled the tiniest bit at that, trying to bury the insecurities that her actions brought up as she left a soft kiss on his forehead.

 

\- Hang in there just until lunch, okay? Then we can both take a nap.

 

Again he nodded and cuddled into her; although in her eyes, it looked like him was giving her the silent treatment, followed by his uninterested movements and attempts at pretending to be okay. Before her anxiety had room to quick in, her instincts pushed her into squeezing him tight without any warning, ripping a squeak out of him.

 

\- Master?! – he asked, surprised.

\- I’ll give you all the attention now, I promise. Just, tell me what to do. Please.

 

Her tone of voice was so pleading, he actually heard something inside him break.

 

\- Masteeer, you’re already doing it – carefully he reaches for her wrists and holds them, intertwining his fingers with hers and smiling softly as she turned red. – I love yooou.

 

Jessie giggled shyly and rested her forehead against his shoulder, looking up at him and feeling her worries melt away at such a sincere, open view.

 

-Me too.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FIXED IT! I HAD TO CHANGE THE WHOLE ENDING CUZ I DIDN'T REALLY LIKE IT, BUT I ALSO NEEDED TO EDIT THE WHOLE CHAPTER TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT, SO YEA. For real tho, I like it much better like this, and the new ending might be a bit rushed or confusing, but i just got the biggest happiness drop so now im sleepy as heck so ill come back to this later.

Right from the beginning, Eli holding her hands unsettled her. It wasn’t necessarily his fault, since he didn’t seem to have realized what he was doing, or, if he did, it wasn’t with any malicious intentions. You see, to Jessie, hand holding was mostly a romantic thing. She never understood why she viewed it like that, but it was just how it was. Even has a child, she preferred to hold onto the wrists of adults when crossing the street, or to the end of their shirts. When they decided for her to grab her tiny hand, her little world always went fuzzy and confusing, so she never could properly manage how to make her legs move to walk around while the contact remained.

Unfortunately, it seemed to be the same case with Eli. Not in the sense that she wanted to hold hands with him and then found out she couldn’t emotionally handle it, but in the sense that she could see it was supposed to be an innocent gesture, and she couldn’t even make it work. For long, dragged out seconds, the woman focused on relaxing, on not making her hands sweat, but she could feel the hotness quickly building up in her palms as her kitten simply smiled at her. It broke her heart to have to do it, but she gathered up the courage and very carefully pulled her hands away, watching the look of confusion in Eli’s face as he followed her movements with his eyes.

 

\- I-I’m sweating a bunch, I’m sorry – she half-lied, an uneasy smile tugging at her lips as she tried to dry her palms on the fabric of her dress.

\- Oh, oki – he replied, sticking his tongue out of his mouth the tiniest bit as he kept looking down at her hands. Such a simple thing made Jessie chuckle and relax in an instant. Eli seemed to have the power to return her into tranquility in seconds.

\- Are my hands that interesting? – she said playfully, grabbing her index with the fingers of her left hand.

 

Her kitten seemed to snap out of his thoughts at hearing his master’s voice directed at him on that exact moment, proceeding to blush a nice shade of pink, before falling forward and hiding his face against her chest. His frames pressed uncomfortably against her collarbones, and his blonde hair tickled right under her chin, but she still laughed to herself, unconsciously moving one hand up and resting it over his head.

 

\- It’s okay, ‘s okay – she petted him calmly, like a mother soothing her child, which was a pretty accurate description considering their size difference, but she bit back that thought.

 

The man remained in silence, but that was alright for the brunette. But simply because, in a way, this was one of his ways to reply to her, she was quickly learning. She wasn’t very fond of silences and they both knew it, but quiet cuddling tasted like something special when it involved her best friend.

On the other hand, Eli was having the time of his life. Despite their initial disagreements, they seemed to be getting along well. Kinda. But just, cuddles, man! No amount of imagination could compare to real life snuggles with Jessie. He knew how his master was still pretty self-conscious about her body, but right then, her body structure just made him think of the perfect human pillow. Soft and firm and warm in all of the right places, plus the nice sweet smell of her perfume and the eternal embrace he could automatically receive just by standing close to her. Definitely the best cuddles he had had in his whole life.

His pastel fantasies were slightly interrupted when said human pillow shifted, resting her chin on his shoulder lightly as she unlocked her phone and held it securely, tapping here and there to access Tumblr. He purred in contentment at feeling his master’s warmth closer to him, but he could also see and notice how her attention was elsewhere, so he shrugged and trashed around until he was sitting forward in her lap, his back pressed against Jessie as he blinked at her blog’s dashboard. He caught her in the middle of a giant post about “ace discourse”, and an uncomfortable silence settles between them, Eli's anger and Jessie 's sorrow tinting the air.

 

\- I was choking you? – she asked, adapting her expressions and her voice exactly like she wanted to show them, so that her sadness didn’t shine through.

 

The man shook his head and peeked back at her, his eyes seemingly piercing through her soul.

 

\- Please don’t read that, master.

\- I, uhm…- she averted her eyes, chewing on her bottom lip. – I-It just showed up on my dash, baby. I was just trying to see which nasty comment had sparked this. But it doesn’t matter. The allies came in to save us, and some brave ace people too.

 

His master reached up and ruffled his hair to distract him, her plan succeeding perfectly as he whined and tried to rearrange the blonde strands, pouting at her and grumbling in that cute way of his.

 

\- You’re not gonna fool me like that.

\- Aww, really? It’s alright, really – Jessie tried scratching under his chin then, attempting to make him lose his thought process again.

 

For a second, it seemed to be working, Eli closing his eyes and purring to his heart’s content. But his blissed expression slowly turned smug, a barely there smirk tugging at his lips as he peeked at her with only one eye open; his green eye, it appeared.

 

\- That feels real good, but not today. I wanna make master happy, so I’m gonna watch your feed with you now.

 

Jessie took a moment to let her brain process the words she had just heard, making sense of her own confusion, and then snorted hard, seemingly out of nowhere, followed by a good fit of giggles as she took a look at his face.

 

\- What does that have to do with anything?

 

\- D-Don’t question my logic. It makes perfect sense – Eli looked away as his cheeks yet again tainted a nice shade of pink.

\- Yes, of course it does, baby – Jessie smiled, her voice clean and without any traces of mockery. – And tumblr’s this way.

 

She gently pushed his cheek, almost afraid to pierce through the skin as she directed his face to view her phone. The woman could feel the heat of his blush against her fingertips and him holding back a squeal, but she didn’t comment on it, not wanting to embarrass him further. Not right now, at least. Her hand fell down then, gently wrapping it around his waist, pretending to calm down her racing heart. She intended to hold him just like this, but she wouldn’t dream of doing it if he also didn’t want it. It might seem like such a small, pointless thing to stress over, but it was in her nature: to make every gesture, every word, mean something, when she wanted them to. It was alright if others didn’t get it, as long as she could feel like she was expressing herself in the best way she could.

For that reason, Jessie couldn’t ever bear to imagine how much she’d regret if she knew that that want of hers was something the other party didn’t consent on. Therefore, she took her time, holding him lightly so he could pull away if he so desired. So when he relaxed and shuffled back to be closer to her instead, she could sense the clouds of despair slowly dissipating, giving her the strength to keep him near.

After that, they drowned in quiet tranquility, the only sounds audible were Jessie’s slightly heavy breathing and her round, healthy nails clicking against her phone’s screen. Multiple pictures of fanart passed through their eyes, mostly of Sanders Sides, that amazing series that Thomas Sanders still kept going after all these years, and some from other shows that the accounts she followed were watching at the moment. The brunette was in the middle of scrolling through some huge ass fanfiction that someone had reblogged when this deafening, sudden sound ripped her concentration in half and made her drop her phone.  She literally jumped off the floor from how startled she was, but her scare was followed by the adorable giggles that came out of her kitten, so maybe it was worth it.

 

\- Pizza’s here!

 

Jessie held a hand over her chest, trying to stop her heart from jumping out of her ribcage as Eli’s bright smile blinded her vision.

 

\- Y-Yea – she said weakly, taking a big breath to feel better before gently setting her friend down, off her lap. – I’m gonna get it, okay? You can play with my phone in the meantime.

 

The age regressed man immediately nodded, picking up his master’s phone and proceeding to scroll up to the beginning of the fic Jessie was trying to avoid. The wrinkles in her dress were very noticeable from sitting down so carelessly, she noticed, and so tried to arrange it while she ran to the entrance, successfully smoothing out most of them. When she was faced with the front door, she quickly leaned down and grabbed the money that she had previously left there, before carefully turning the key that was stuck on the door and opening it. In the process of tugging it towards herself though, she almost tripped on the bags that had been forgotten at the entrance and a short, quiet snort made her look up at the man in front of her. Around her age, obviously wearing his uniform, two boxes of pizzas in his right hand and his left one disappearing inside the small pouch wrapped around his waist, where he kept all the change he could need. Noticing how Jessie just kept staring at him, too embarrassed to call out for her voice, the man smiled politely at her at first, slowly turning wicked as he eyed her up and down. Immediately her shyness turned into anxiety, feeling her hands sweating and her mind racing, coming up with all of the possible scenarios for this situation at the speed of light.

 

\- G-Good afternoon. – she tried, pushing her glasses up her nose.

\- Yea, good afternoon – he managed in a sly tone, shifting his weight from one foot to another. – You almost tripped right there. You could have fell into my arms if the door wasn’t there.

 

The woman blinked and felt the confusion and the nausea rising up her chest, letting out a nervous laugh as she tried to rule out the possibility of being caught in the middle of a flirting attempt.

 

\- H-How much are the pizzas? – she said, trying to change the subject. – Uhm, I saw on the site that there should be around 20 pounds, but I just wanted to make sure I have the money.

 

She let her eyes fall down, hoping she had the right amount as she counted it again, being rudely interrupted by the delivery man.

 

\- Chill. The amount that was on the site is prolly right. And if it wasn’t, it would be cool too. I could help you out if you didn’t have the money.

 

The corners of his mouth seem to stretch up to his eyes and even if she couldn’t put a finger on why, Jessie started feeling like she was in real danger. However, she wasn’t going to let panic take the best of her, deciding that feigning innocence should probably save her.

 

\- Oh, uhm, don’t worry, I have more than enough – she handed him the money, her other hand following so she could just grab the pizzas and slam the door on this dude’s face.

 

He took the notes and the few pennies and saved them in his pouch, slowly closing the zipper as he never took his eyes off her, never making a move to give her the pizzas. Stuck in the middle of this awkward tension, the woman decided to just go for it and grab the boxes out of his hand, but before she could reach them, he took her wrist. She could feel her blood stopping its course and the adrenaline accelerating her heart as her world stopped. When he spoke again, his voice scratched at her ears, making her skin scrawl.

 

\- Say, are you home alone?

\- E-Excuse me? – she forced out, ripping her arm out of his reach. – T-That doesn’t matter. P-Please just give me the pizzas and-

\- And what? – he took a step closer, smirking as he moved the pizzas away. – Did you pay for them?

 

The vomit rose up her throat as her hands trembled, but she did her best to not let it show.

 

\- Y-Yes, I just handed you the money. What is going-

\- Oh, but I don’t have any proof you just did. So I can’t give you these – somehow, his smirk seemed to grow even more.

 

Jessie kept focusing on keeping her cool, ready to scratch his face with her sharp nails if he tried anything else, and stretched her back, trying to look sure of herself.

 

\- Stop playing games. Give me the pizzas or I’ll call the police.

 

The delivery man chuckled at that, like she had told the best joke ever, and took another step closer. He was basically inside the house, the weak yellow light of Eli’s hall pouring over half of his wicked face.

 

\- With what phone? That dress has no pockets, and you don’t have anything in your hands. C’mon, baby, I’m just trying to joke around here-

 

As he reached to grab her arm again, Eli appeared,  immediately jumping into action and biting out his hand. The man gasped and quickly retreated, dropping the boxes on the ground to hold his wounded hand.

 

\- What the fuck?!- he yelped, his eyes shining in fury. – Who the fuck are you?

 

Eli didn’t even give him time to react, not bothering to give him a reply as he ducked under him and grabbed the pizzas, throwing them inside the apartment before doing some weird, rolling maneuver as he jumped over the bags and kicked the door closed. Compared to him, Jessie was a mess, and her brain needed a second before turning on again and making her think of what she shoul do next. She could barely feel her body moving as she pushed her weight against the door and she quickly locked it. The delivery man still tried to yell something out, and then kicked the door when he received no response. The brunette was only able to sigh in relief as the grumbles of the guy sounded further and further away. Her kitten was on her in seconds, as she let herself slide down to the carpet, grabbing at her face in a way that pressed her cheeks almost over her eyes.

 

\- Are you okay? Did he touch you?

 

The small man looked conflicted, whining under his breath and clinging to her head as if trying to sense in an almost telepathic way if she wasn’t about to have a panic attack, at the same time not leaving her any room to reply. When she started giggling nervously, still kind of shaken up by what had just happened, he knew that she was at least a bit okay.

 

\- That doesn’t matter. We have our pizzas and you were my very impressive hero.

 

Eli still whimpered, completely ignoring the possible compliment as he fought for a clearer answer than that.

 

\- But-

\- No buts – she cut him out, smiling fondly and gently cupping his cheek with a shaky hand. – Let’s just go eat for now, okay? I caught his name; it was on his uniform. We can call dominos later and tell them what happened.

 

 

She punctuated her sentence by kissing his cheek and slowly moving to get up, picking up the boxes while she was at it and walking to the left, in the direction of the living room. Jessie shortly stopped at the entrance of said room, however, using her chance to look for a light switch and flipping it up once she found it, activating the white ceiling lamp and letting it cast its brightness over them. It wasn’t bright per say, more like some sort of subdued glow, most likely derived from an economizing type of lamp. It was nice. It gave this sense of comfort that just added to the overall homey feeling of the living room and it made the woman smile warmly without realizing it.

As she walked to the couch, carefully sitting down as to not wrinkle her dress more than it was already, she could now state as a fact that the walls were painted in a warm blue, and she wondered to herself if Eli hadn’t made it on purpose, since blue appeared to be a soothing color for the both of them, even if for different reasons.

While his master was distracted, the man took his chance to skip up to the TV, clicking on the button to turn it on and humming happily to himself as the device took his time to wake up. Jessie seemed like she had relaxed once she had set foot into the room, her shoulders dropping slightly and her posture less rigid as she looked around, amazed like a child in a candy store. His little apartment wasn’t all that special, but if his master liked it, then it was good anyways. Maybe she would even stay with him for a bit longer!

Finally, the television flickered to life in some random channel, displaying some kind of cheesy romcom with your typical fake laughs on the background. As soon as one of those ringed through the speakers, Eli meowed and walked back to his master, pouting for only being able to sit by her side and not on her lap, where she held their pizzas. Once she noticed him staring though, Jessie turned to look at him and smiled warmly, patting his head and handing him one of the boxes.

 

\- Hope I made the right choice. I’ve heard you talking about how much you like this one so I thought I should pick it.

 

She knew she was making small talk, but she couldn’t really help it. She didn’t know how people should react in these types of situations, and the little scare with the pizza guy also wasn’t helping at all. The worst scenarios kept popping up at the back of her head, simulating what would have happened if Eli had been just the tiniest bit more distracted with her phone. Involuntarily, Jessie started fidgeting with the ends of her sleeves, watching as her kitten opened the box and noticing how the pizza had been all tossed to one corner because of their earlier incident.

 

\- Yea, I like this one. Thank you, master – he purred, a small smile curling the corner of his lips.

\- N-No problem. Uhm, even if you didn’t like it, you could always have mine. I planned for that too. I-I’m also not picky so I could have basically anything-

 

Her kitten’s giggles cut her short before she could ramble further.

 

\- Yee, I know, you’re an indecisive mess after all – he said with a certain playful tone, hiding the lower half of his face with his hands to cover his growing grin.

 

Jessie fought off a smile for a moment, she wasn’t going to laugh at such an effortless joke referencing her profile on basically any site, she wasn’t, she wasn’t! But she promptly gave up and shoved him lightly, smiling wide and getting wider by the second.

 

\- No, bad kitten!

 

Eli’s mood dropped visibly, before curling into himself.

 

\- I-I’m a bad kitten?

 

His master’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates and she quickly threw the boxes onto the coffee table to be able to get closer to him. It really was hard holding it together when she fell so easily

 

\- N-No, none of that, I was just joking-

 

Her arms were making their way around him when she caught a glimpse of his tiny smile, his tongue sticking out at her, not being able to pretend for much longer like he predicted.

 

\- Joking!

 

Eli giggled like a child, taking his chance to scoot closer to her and purring as he was finally able to sit on her lap, taking matters into his own hands and actually directing Jessie’s arms around himself, like a safety blanket. On her side though, the woman didn’t know how to react, again fighting off a goofy smile. Pulling him closer, he felt his friend pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head and he just felt himself melting.

 

\- Weren’t you hungry? – she asked, a unexpected shyness slipping into her voice. Maybe because of their position or due to Eli’s sudden initiative, no one would never know.

\- Yea, but cuddles – he whines, nuzzling closer to her.

 

The brunette smiled against his hair and kept him close, leaning in to grab one of the boxes and setting it on the free space on the couch.

 

\- We can do both at the same time, you know?

 

There was a sound, barely above a whisper, and Jessie couldn’t help the snort that echoed through her nose.

 

\- Was that a hiss?

\- Yesssss – he replied, dragging out the sound so make it look like a hiss.

 

The woman just shook her head as she laughed to herself, reaching over and grabbing one slice of pizza out of the box, ignoring his playfulness on purpose to see if she could stop the hurting she felt in her cheeks from smiling so much.

 

\- Come on, snake cat. Eat your pizza before it gets cold.

 

Eli blinked and then quickly leaned up and licked her chin before diving for the food like he was told. At his action, which for a second made her heart stop from how close they were from kissing, her brain stopped functioning and effectively went into short circuit, as her face immediately went ablaze.

 

\- Love you~ - he said teasingly, taking a big bite out of his pizza.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments would be very nice to look at. pls, I see so many hits and so little comments. Anything will do, really. Well, almost anything.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance. i feel like the worst person in the world for some stuff that happened, so this is mostly an apologize to Eli. I know that won't forgive me from being a bitch, but I can try. This is some silly idea I had when I was trying to take a nap on the other day, so enjoy, I guess.

Jessie slowly opened her eyes, her confusion slowly peeking through her sleepy haze. When had she fallen asleep? She blinked, realizing after a moment that her sight was still very much foggy so she slowly moved her hand to touch her face, confirming in fact that her glasses were not resting in her nose. At sensing movement, Eli looked up, his eyes shining in quiet happiness.

 

\- Hi – he whispers, giggling quietly right afterwards.

\- Why are you whispering? – she whispered back, dropping her eyelids at a sudden brightness coming from the tv.

 

The small man shrugged in response, shifting back to make it more comfortable for the both of them. Jessie sluggishly rolled her shoulders and pulled her head away from Eli’s, realizing she has drooled a little. She promptly wiped it off with her sleeve, feeling the stickiness of her cheek with one hand and any possible signs of it on her kitten’s hair with the other. Luckily, that didn’t seem the case.

 

\- How long was I asleep? – the woman mumbled groggily, wincing quietly as her back popped when she tried to grasp her glasses. Her kitten must have taken them to help her out.  

\- Not sure – he reached for Jessie’s phone, clicking on the power button once quickly and watching the screen light up, and frowning right afterwards.

\- What is it?- she yawned, spying over his shoulder and looking at the time.

\- Did you change the time zone on this? – he pointed at the round white numbers, his thoughts clearly jumbled.

\- Yes, I think I did – she rubbed her eyes and looked at it more intensely, trying to think about what time it was before, when they got to the living room.

\- Well then – Eli’s cute little laugh barely reached her ears, but it immediately made her relax – I think you just slept for a whole hour, master.

 

The brunette stayed quiet, letting that sink in, and then just shrugged it off, carefully wrapping her arms around her companion, who purred as he leaned into her touch.

 

\- What were you doing then? During that hour – Jessie asked, just realizing that.

\- Uhm – she could barely see it, but the blush had crept into his cheekbones.

\- Yes? – she teased, nuzzling her chin gently into his shoulder. – You look too lively to have taken a nap as well.

 

He whined, stucking out his bottom lip in an attempt to make her drop the subject, but fortunately, Jessie was extremely dense.

 

\- Were you so happy to be in my arms you didn’t notice the time flying by? – she shot, deciding to throw that option out there, but when Eli’s cheeks rapidly tainted red, she realized she had hit jackpot.

\- Aww – the woman smiled wide, squeezing him a little. – It’s okay, nothing to be embarrassed about.

 

She still heard him grumbling something under his breath, but since she didn’t catch it, she decided to not delve on that.

 

\- I can’t feel my legs tho – she said playfully, even if it was true.

 

Her kitten seemed sad, but complied, crawling out of her lap. They both felt the lack of heat from the other as soon as he did, both regretting it a little. Jessie tried to ignore it by rubbing some feeling into her thighs, before slowly lifting her butt off the couch and almost going back to sit down at it. Her own clumsiness was funny, even to herself.

 

\- I gotta go do something before I fall asleep again – she affirmed, grabbing the pizza boxes and checking to see if there were any slices left. – Wanna help me, love?

 

At the back of her head, she was surprised with herself at how easily the nickname had flowed out of her lips, but she didn’t have much time to think before Eli was getting up, and holding onto her sleeve, looking up at her with his mismatched eyes. God, she was going to die. Before she could realize just how gay she was, she started walking towards the kitchen, almost tripping on her bags again, this time at the risk of taking her precious cinnamon roll with her. When they got there, she had to stop said cinnamon roll from eating what was left of the pizza as she folded the empty cardboard box and dumped it in the trash, holding the other one over her head when the small man kept tempting his luck. He glares at her, his eyes not really holding any malice.

 

\- I’ll climb you if you don’t give me my pizza.

 

Jessie snorted and looked down at him, stretching her arm just a tad higher.

 

\- Oh really? You’d defy master just because of a few slices with cheese?

 

He looked up at her as if they weren’t a good 7 inches apart in height, the most serious she had seen him in a while. She could be imagining it, but he also seemed to be ready to pounce on her if needed.

 

\- Yes – he wiggled a little, bending his knees slightly. – Are you doubting me?

 

They stared at each other, the seconds growing tenser as they tried to analyze each other’s strategies, before Eli actually jumped, clinging to her middle. Jessie squeaked ungracefully and quickly shoved the box to the top of the fridge, walking away and somehow succeeding in unclinging the small man out of her after some struggle.

 

\- Bad kitten – she panted, not expecting to have such a fight, and held him under her arm like he was a sack of potatoes. A very light one.

\- Let me go! – he struggled slightly, but not enough to actually slip from her grip, not wanting to fall face first onto the ground.

\- Na-ah, that won’t do – she said, walking out of the kitchen and across the corridor, into his bedroom, dropping him on the bed.

 

He stayed down, his arms crossed over his chest as he pretended to be mad for something he provoked. For a second, he thought she actually had fallen for his act, as she carefully walked up to the bed and sat down by his side. He put on the extra effort and turned his back to her, but he could never be prepared for the soft kiss she left on his cheek. He could deny all he wanted, but Jessie knew she had heard his little squeak.

 

\- I’m sorry – she spoke cautiously, clearly regretful. – I just don’t want you to get sick. Please don’t get mad at me.

\- I-It’s fine, I guess – he mumbled as a response, rubbing his cold hands over his cheeks to tone down their fire.

 

She nodded, not totally sure he had seen her, and looked around the room, the unorganized mess getting to her the more she gazed at it. With a determined sigh, she got up and stretched her arms over her head.

 

\- Wait just a bit, I’ll be right back.

 

Jessie was out of the room by the time he lifted his head to look at the door, defeat making his body seem heavier as he just lied down there. He could hear his master shuffling with her bags, and then the few noises he could catch seemed incomprehensible to him. He debated if he should go check on her, curiosity taking over him, but as soon as he got up, she was back. Her hair was tied up in a ponytail, emphasizing just how long her hair was, and her dress was nowhere to be seen. Instead, she was now wearing a pair of really baggy white shorts, over the black thighs she had before, and a simple long sleeved black shirt, with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows. She had also, somehow, figured out where the bathroom was, and decided to take the laundry basket with her. His confusion could barely push through the sudden curtain of gayness that showed up. How can you blame him, she did look good with her hair like that.

Jessie chuckled when she noticed him staring, waving a hand in front of his eyes.

 

\- Hello? My eyes are up here – she had to contain a laugh at her own teasing.

\- W-What? No, I wasn’t-

\- Yea yea, I know – she smiled, patting his head – I was just messing with you.

 

Nonetheless, the blonde still leaned into her touch, even if he look slightly betrayed.

 

\- Now, my plan is simple. Pick everything off the ground and give everything their place, either that being the closet or the washing machine. Me, not exactly you. It looked like I was giving you an order.

 

If Eli had a tail, it would be wiggling behind him. Yea, Jessie had forgotten he liked to be ordered around.

 

\- No, don’t look at me like that. I’m not forcing you into anything. I was just gonna ask you to tell me which clothes should go to the wash and which ones are still good.

\- Oki! – he smiled wide, giggling adorably. – But I can do more than that, you weren’t pushing too much, master.

 

A stroke of pain still flashed through Jessie’s eyes, even if briefly, and she shook her head.

 

\- This is just the base plan so we can figure other stuff as we go along. You stay right there in the meantime – she reached over and ruffled his hair a bit, before smoothing it back to how it was, almost lost in how it felt. She quickly pulled herself back together, though, and turned around to start her work.

 

They had already gone through one of the smaller piles, which was right in front of them, when Jessie sighed heavily, moving her hand to run through her own hair before realizing she couldn’t.

 

\- Yea, I can’t do it like this. Would you mind if I put on some music? – her kitten shook his head, smiling a little, before it dawned on the brunette. – Well, actually, maybe not. I usually listen to Get Scared when I’m cleaning. I don’t think you like them.

 

She finished her sentence with a quiet, nervous giggle, remembering how usually people reacted when she showed them some of the songs the band had produced. The sound of Eli’s hands dropping on the mattress caught her attention, anyways.

 

\- No. I listen to worst shit than that.

\- Ah- language! – Jessie shrieked, looking at him like an angry parent. He kept on smiling, simply shrugging.

\- Still true. I don’t mind, really – he punctuated his intentions by jumping to the ground. – If you don’t do it, I will.

 

She sighed, but a smile still peeked through.

 

\- Okay – she reached behind her back and took her phone out of her pocket, giving Eli a glimpse of his own face as she unlocked it.

 

She shuffled for a while, trying to find the album she was really craving and then set down the volume before hitting play. As the music started off calm, she locked her phone and gave it to her friend.

 

\- If it’s too loud, you can turn it down, okay? – she smiled, trying to seem a little more at ease, and by the way the man nodded his head, it seemed like there was nothing to worry about.

 

Now with her favorite tunes sounding in the background, she worked much faster, getting lost in her task and actually getting comfortable enough to, at some point, shuffle a little at the rhythm of the song, as she sang the lyrics under her breath. Eli, on the other hand, not having a specific taste for this type of music, only kept pointing out the good clothes, catching them when Jessie threw them at him to keep. But that didn’t mean he was bored. His master looked so happy and relaxed now, like she was in her element. As soon as he started hearing her sing, something fuzzy tickled his heart. She hasn’t the best singer, really far for that, but you could see by the way she mouthed every single word in sink with the song, that that didn’t really matter. She was having fun, in her own weird way, and he wasn’t going to mess with that.

Around an hour later, there wasn’t a single item of clothing on the floor. The woman was panting slightly, her back aching from bending so many times to grab the dirty laundry, but it was worth it. That didn’t mean the job was done. There were papers and all sorts of art tools scattered all across the now visible carpet. It was clearly accumulating dust, which was not good for neither of them, as they were both allergic, but her working brain was quickly sorting and listing all the things she still needed to do.

 

\- Okay so, now I just need to know how your washing machine works – she mentioned, looking at him with the most serious face. It creeped him out a little, how blank her expression was, before she noticed what she was doing and shifted the muscles of her face, trying to get some feeling back into them.

\- Sorry, I always do that when I get too focused – she sighed still, suddenly self-conscious about it. – Wanna teach me how to put the machine working, please?

\- Yeeeaaaa – he complained, jumping off the bed, with her phone still in his hands.

 

He led her to the kitchen, where the washing machine was pushed in between the wall and a set of drawers, right under a small window. He quickly showed how to put it working, pointing at the buttons and gears and more gesturing to how it was done rather than talking. Jessie somehow still got it, doing her best to keep up with him. As she knelt in front of the small door of the machine, sorting the laundry in piles of different colors, she felt Eli weighing down on her back.

 

\- Masteeer – he whined, wrapping his arms around her.

 

She could only chuckle, trying to keep her balance.

 

\- Yes, whiny cat?

\- I’m bored. This is taking too long. I want a nap – his words slurred together the more he talked, finishing his requests by nuzzling his cheek into her back.

\- Yes, I know, baby, but you could have done that when I was sleeping. And now you won’t sleep in your room until we’re done. There’s too much dust in there.

 

The age regressed man barely had the energy to complain, but he could still find some just to pass the point across.

 

\- I’m tired just from watching you work. Let’s just cuddle on the couch, please.

 

Jessie giggled and gently tugged on him, pulling him to her front, face close to her chest.

 

\- That’s really tempting, but I gotta finish this first. I won’t be at ease until everything is done – she then leaned down and kissed his forehead, feeling her own cheeks warming slightly. – I know it’s weird but that’s how I am.

\- You’re not weird – Eli grumbled like a little kid, looking at her through heavy lidded eyelids. – And okay. I’m gonna be a good boy, I’m not gonna sleep.

\- Yea, that’s my good boy – she smiled wide, petting his hair. – Wanna go take care of your art thingies? I don’t know where to put them and I don’t want to break them accidentally by stepping on them. I’ll go help you out with the rest after I’m done here.

\- Okaay – he whined a little, but she could see him grinning. – Love yooou.

Before Jessie had time to say it back, or just try to, for that matter, he reached up and kissed her cheek, right by the corner of her mouth. If it was by accident, the little smirk plastered on his face as he got up and skipped out of the room proved that wrong. The woman had to take a moment to collect herself, her face buried in her hands as she calmed down. He did that on purpose! After taking a long breath in and out, she looked down at his clothes and sighed. He was going to be the death of her.

The machine was loaded and promptly started working as she followed all the steps she was indicated to, jumping slightly by the loud grumble it made when the cycle began. “Calm down, not everything is out to get you!”, she thought to herself as she left the kitchen, walking to Eli’s room. As she stepped in, she could see her kitten had followed her instructions as ordered, only a couple of papers and clothe tags visible. She quickly picked those up first, not lifting her eyes to look at her friend, and dropped everything on a small bin he kept in his room. Only then did she raised her head, and frowned at the weird expression on his face.

 

\- Is everything okay? – she asked, stepping closer, and noticing how he shuffled in the bed.

\- Y-Yea! Just uhm – he couldn’t rip his eyes off the ground, blushing slightly as he wrapped his arms tighter around himself.

\- You just? – she tilted her head to the side, getting more confused by the second. – I’m seriously not getting it, baby.

\- I was changing when you came in… - he mumbled, clearly embarrassed. – I saw you taking care of everything, so I thought it was time to wash my binder. A-And I was taking it off when, uhm, you came in.

 

Jessie never flushed so fast in her life. She could even feel the tips of her ears burning. Her eyes looked anywhere but him, as she tried to remember how to talk again.

 

\- I-I’m sorry, I-I should have, uhm, I should have knocked. I’m just gonna, uhm – she hastily took a few steps back, and then closed the door behind her, resting her forehead against the wood.

\- It’s okay! – he yelled from the other side, more amused now.

 

The woman still jumped at the sound of his voice, grabbing at her shirt.

 

\- I-I’m still sorry! – she yelled back in an impulse, nope-ing out of there as soon as she heard the shuffling of clothes.

 

Not knowing what else to do, she walked back to the kitchen, her eyes glued to the ground. She threw all the remaining clothes back in the basket, minimally separated by colors so it would be easier in following washes, and put it back where she found it. When she stepped out of the bathroom, Eli had his head stuck outside of his room, almost jump scaring her to death. Seriously, she jumped a few inches off the ground. In response, the man simply burst out laughing, slipping through the gap on the door to walk up to her.

 

\- S-Sorry, master, I didn’t mean to- he wheezed hard, covering his face as he tried to calm down.

 

Jessie simply smiled back, giggling along with him as she rubbed his arm.

 

\- Yea yea, I’m hilarious.

 

As her kitten nodded, slowly calming down, she finally noticed he had changed clothes. Even if just the top part, he was now wearing a grey sweater, probably two sizes above what fit him, and he had his binder clutched in his hand, almost ready to use it as a weapon. Jessie smirked slightly, an idea striking her as he held him off the ground, her hands under his armpits. He squeaked and balanced his legs, desperately trying to go back to the safety of the floor as his master took him to the living room.

 

\- Put me down- oof – his body fell like a rock against the couch, even if his master had set him down gently.

\- I have a better thing for you to wear – she smiled, her eyes glistening as she ran up to her bags and pulled something out from one of them, presenting it to him. – Just like, ignore the letters. It’s the sweater I bought from my uni. It’s really comfy so I thought-

\- Mine! – before she could dodge him, he had shouldered her in the stomach, not really sure if on accident, and had stolen the dark blue sweater out of her hands.

 

Then, out of nowhere, he was turning his back to her and stripping of his current one, leaving Jessie completely confused and uncomfortable until she noticed he was wearing a t-shirt underneath it. She blinked, and her sweater was around his tiny body, a purr resonating in her ears.

 

\- You’re right, master, it’s really comfy. And warm – he wiggled his arms, giggling at his sweater paws before pulling them up slightly, just so he could see his own hands. – It smells really nice too.

 

The brunette could see he was about to shrink his head into the sweater like a tortoise so he could smell her scent, but she quickly stopped him.

 

\- O-Okay, that’s enough. Please- my heart can’t take much more – not really knowing what else to do, she hugged him close to her chest, and he could notice that, in fact, her heart seemed to be beating painfully against her ribcage.

\- And then I’m the cute one – he giggled, nuzzling into her chest. – Thank you, master.

\- No problem – she replied shyly, tugging him close. – I would like it back by the time we go to sleep tho.

 

Eli immediately looked sad, his shoulders deflating.

 

\- Okay, master…

 

Fuck.

 

\- Ah no, it’s okay! You can keep it, I’m sorry. I’ll find something else to sleep in when the time gets, I’m sorry – she hugged him tightly, trying to squeeze out all the sadness in him, and she knew she had succeeded when he started shuffling, giggling quietly.

\- Okay okay, just don’t kill me! – he beamed, fighting the urge to bounce.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This prolly doesnt make any sense. Im really sleppy and dizzy and i think im hallucinating a bit. I still manage to edit it out, kinda, so there's that


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is shit. It didnt come off like i wanted and i feel like a fool. Enjoy, i guess?

Eventually, Jessie let go off Eli, much to the man’s disagreement. Jessie’s legs were starting to ache really badly from standing up so much, so she gently took his wrist and led her kitten to the couch, sitting down. Eli still tried to climb into her lap, the squishy seat quickly becoming his favorite place to be, but the woman turned him down sadly, pushing him back to her side.

 

\- Let me rest for a bit, alright? I’m sorry – her smile was laced with sorrow and tiredness, as she tried to avoid grabbing at the juncture of her femurs with her pelvis.

 

The blonde still noticed how she seemed to be sitting weirdly, how her hands twitched with the need to move, so he toned down his selfish needs and carefully cuddled up to her side, resting his head on her shoulder.

 

\- ‘s okay, master. I understand. Thank you for everything you did up until now.

 

The woman looked down at him, feeling even worst at the slight sadness that slipped under his voice and squeezed him tight.

 

\- Thank me when I’m done. I still need to vacuum your room and then hang your clothes.

 

She didn’t want to look like she was complaining, actually enjoying being able to be so much help to him, but the message came out confusing to her kitten. He shook his head, his hairs tickling her neck slightly.

 

\- No. You did enough for now. You’re the guest so you should be resting.

\- Baby, I’m okay- - she cut herself out with a pitiful whine, as her leg popped loudly right where it was hurting her. Moving was a bad idea, it seemed.

\- You’re not! – Eli looked angry, and was actually about to pull away from her hold when he realized he had snapped, anxiety quickly washing over his features.

\- No, shh, it’s okay – she promptly stopped him from apologizing, turning to his side fully and hugging him close, ignoring how her legs hurted so she could reassure him – We can do those things together, how about that?

 

Eli wasn’t totally convinced, wanting to ease her pain somehow, but since he didn’t know what else to do, he simply nodded.

 

\- Vá, c’mon – she looked down at him and held his face gently between her hands, which were much ragged than he had expected, now that he noticed it. – No sad kitties allowed in this house.

 

She started leaning down, going to bump their noses together as if on instinct. It was something she always did with her sister, ever since they were kids. She didn’t remember exactly who came up with it, but it was their safe gesture. It was caring and discreet enough, and it always left the both of them with a small smile on their lips. Jessie always caught herself trying to do it with other people, when she felt comfortable enough, but the other person always pulled away, quickly grossed out at the thought that the silly woman could want to kiss them. Jessie would always be left embarrassed and destroyed, once again feeling guilty for her weirdness. But this time, before she could stop herself, their noses bumped together. She was left there, frozen in place as her kitten looked at her with the most unreadable expression, before his lips stretched into a shy smile. The brunette quickly copied him, the apology dying in her throat as he then took his chance and did the same that she had just done. Before she realized, she was giggling, holding him close to her.

 

\- You like that, darling? – she asked, her chest bright with happiness.

\- Ye! It’s nice.

 

He purred and tried to do it again, but Jessie pulled away, still laughing quietly.

 

\- Nah, only a couple of times. Or it won’t be nice anymore.

 

She watched as Eli’s mouth curled into a fake pout, his hands going to grab her arms to tug her down. Jessie didn’t budge, only laughing louder.

 

\- Baby no.

 

The man pouted for real this time, and gave up, crossing his arms over his chest, only coming out of his sulking shell when Jessie ruffled his hair.

 

\- Nope, none of that either – she bumped their noses together again just so she could see him smile. Only his eyes started shining, but that was enough for her. – Wanna watch good omens? I think it’s on Netflix.

\- Yes – Eli replied, grinning for real this time.

 

He reached for his laptop, which the woman hadn’t noticed was on top of the coffee table, since it was under one of his beanies. Jessie watched him turn it on and do all the normal steps to get to the streaming site, the first episode starting to play. The nostalgia hit jessie in the weirdest way, making her heart ache at the same time she relaxed. She still tried to keep half of her focus on the loud washing machine working on the other room, but it wasn’t hard to notice it, since it made the floor vibrate under her feet.

Eli was in the middle of switching to the second episode when the cycle stopped, the sudden silence sounding eerie in her ears. Only then did Jessie check on her legs, gripping gently where she expected to hurt before getting up.

 

\- Laundry – she said simply at the look her kitten shot her, which just made her giggle quietly. – Didn’t you wanna help?

\- Yea – he whined, closing his laptop and throwing it to the side.

 

He jumped to the ground and took her hand, leading her back to the kitchen. The woman tried not to freeze on the spot, knowing he probably didn’t mean to make her flustered, and stumbled after him.

 

\- I have a drier. It’s right there – he pointed across the kitchen, to a machine very similar to the washing one. – So now you just

 

He then let go of Jessie’s hand, making her feel weirdly alone, as he walked up to the first machine and opened its door, grabbing an arm full of the wet laundry and sprinting to the drier, shoving everything inside. The woman simply stood there, staring at him before hunching over and laughing. Her companion looked back at her, clearly confused, but she just shook her head to dismiss it as she went to grab the rest of his clothes, putting them with the others. She was still giggling to herself as Eli put the machine working, this one much quieter than the other one. The excited little man was already dragging her back to the living room for more cuddles when she tugged gently on his arm to stop him.

 

\- Your room. I still have to vacuum the floor.

 

He groaned tiredly but didn’t push her any further.

 

\- You don’t have to do anything other than show me where your vacuum thing is.

 

The blonde tried to look upset, but a snort still made through.

 

\- It’s behind the door – he said, pointing at the kitchen.

\- Thank you – she replied, kissing his head lightly before walking back to the kitchen, realizing that the hoover was, in fact, behind the door.

 

She held it easily, and carried it across the corridor, only realizing that Eli was following her when she kneeled to grab the cord.

 

\- Baby?

\- Hmm?

 

Jessie wasn’t sure if he was doing it on purpose, but he looked like a lost kitten, his round eyes piercing right through her soul, the nervous grip at the end of her sweater completing the look.

 

\- Can you please wait in the living room while I take care of this, please? I don’t want to risk your health.

 

She looked around, hooking the end of the cord to a socket her eye had caught, and when she turned to grab the metal tube of the device, Eli was still standing there. He knew his asthma could get worst because of this, and the noise could very well overwhelm him, but he also didn’t want to be alone. His thoughts would make sure to attack his weak spots, and he was already feeling bad for making his master do all of the domestic work for him, so he was sure he would be a total mess if he left. Jessie still sighed and stepped closer to him, and the flinch that run through him wasn’t predicted, and it broke the both of them.

 

\- I’m just worried for you – Jessie tried, using the softest tone she could muster. – You can stand there and watch me if you want, but please at least wear some ear buds or something? To block out the noise. That thing also makes me really overwhelmed.

 

His master was trying to be relatable, he could tell, but the sudden glossy shine in her eyes just made him feel worst.

 

\- W-Will you promise you won’t cry if I do that?

 

He could see that had surprised her, and the woman looked at the ground in shame; and slowly, as carefully as she could, stepped closer and wrapped her arms around him.

 

\- I can try. The dust makes my eyes really dry, that’s why it looks like I’m about to cry.

 

Neither of them was sure if her words were truthful, but Eli had no reason to not trust her. So when she reached for her pocket and took her ear buds out of it, gently dropping them on his palm, he didn’t dare refuse them. Jessie waited until he put them on, smiling a little at him before turning on the vacuum cleaner. Her kitten still jumped slightly, taking a step away, but the woman kept looking at him, trying to reassure him silently. Only when he seemed calmer did she go to work, dragging the funky brush over the carpeted floor and noticing the difference in its color immediately. She did her best, focusing on moving fast but carefully, to avoid raising as much dust as she possibly could, and before she could register how much time had passed, the room was clean.

She quickly stepped onto the power button of the vacuum, hearing its hellish sound slowly dying down until it was completely silent again. As soon as she did, her kitten pulled the ear buds out of his ears and started walking up to her, but she stopped him, gently pushing him away as she took the plug out of the wall.

 

\- Na-ah, not yet – Eli whined loudly and tried to push past her, but she didn’t let him. – Let me just ventilate the room first, okay?

 

He saw her sniffing and then reaching a hand to rub her red eyes and suddenly he didn’t want to push past her anymore. The brunette looked down at him, confused, but thanked him silently as she walked across the room to open the window, leaving just a little gap. She proceeded to grab the hoover and turn off the light, closing the door behind her.

 

\- We can cuddle now, alright?

 

The woman barely had time to smile before her friend was clinging to her, whimpering quietly. She found that the vacuum could wait and gently set it down, wrapping her arms around him too.

 

\- I’m sorry master isn’t giving you any attention. I’m all yours now, okay?

 

From anyone else’s point of view, their one sided talk would be weird, but to them, as Jessie’s hand cautiously petted the back of his head, as Eli listened to the beat of her heart, it was like no words were needed. She carefully led him back to the couch, and only let go of him to lay down, leaving him confusedly staring down at her.

 

\- You wanted to take a nap, right? Just, turn off the lights and come here. There’s room for the two of us.

 

It was as if the air around him started glowing at those words. He basically ran to the switch and slapped it off, before jumping to the couch, arms open wide to hold his master. She let out a sound just a notch down a scream, grabbing into him strongly so he couldn’t fall to the ground. Her heart was pounding in her chest, just now processing the position they were in, but the happy purr Eli let out eased her thoughts.

 

\- I’m really sorry, baby – she mumbled, tugging him the tiniest bit closer. – You prolly got grumpy because I didn’t let you sleep. The cleaning freak in me is calm now, you can rest.

 

The tiniest giggle reached her ears and when she looked down at him, he was already looking at her. He wiggled against her hold, moving his hands a bit slower than usual, somehow shyly. Jessie took a bit of time to understand, since she was still teaching herself sign language, but it was simple enough to get the bits she didn’t know.

 

“It’s okay. Thank you, master”

 

She smiled, barely having to move to kiss his forehead.

 

\- Go to sleep now, okay? I promise I’ll keep you safe.

 

She only got a purr as an answer before he was cuddling up to her chest and closing his eyes, his tiny arms doing their best to go around her waist. Her heart jumped at his efforts, and she thanked the darkness of the room for covering up her blush as she tried to stay still. It still took a while, but eventually Eli fell asleep, the comfort of Jessie’s sweater keeping them both warm due to their position. With no other distractions available to her, she ended up sleeping too, slipping in and out of consciousness every few minutes.

Coming to the conclusion that she would probably sleep better if she just moved around, Jessie held onto Eli just a bit tighter, receiving a similar gesture from the sleepy man himself as a response. She breathed in and out slowly, trying to calm down her now racing heart so he wouldn’t wake up, but it only seemed to beat faster as she shifted around the small couch. The woman sighed once she finally managed to reach her goal, burying her face in her hands as she just tried to not squish her friend between her and the back of the couch. Why was she so nervous all of the sudden? Not really any calmer, she carefully peeked down at him, confirming he was still asleep, and before she could control it, her heart was doing twirls in her chest again. The not so new realization dawned on her, as the words echoed in her head. She loved him, more than anything in the world. But now, as she watched him sleep peacefully in her arms, it was almost as if that love grew.

She had grown a coward over the years, refusing to say how much Eli meant to her as many times as she really wanted. She had quickly noticed during their adolescence that she often went overboard with how much she said that she loved him, so she had tried to tone it down ever since. It wasn’t easy, and it hurt her a bit more every day, but she knew she was doing what was necessary.

And now, as they stayed like this, it was as if the locks she had forcefully put in her heart all broke down at the same time, letting the flow of feelings burst through all the cracks in her.

 

\- Eu amo-te – she blurred out, so fast and so quietly she had barely understood herself. But when the words sunk down, her heart went with them.

 

She couldn’t say it to his face, she shouldn’t! She was the one that kept stepping and reinforcing all the implications of that expression, to make sure that Eli knew, as to encourage her to not say it. But now here they were, while he was asleep. She had said it, like a creep. Her eyes stung and her chest ached painfully, but she still felt relieved somehow. It felt so good to finally say it, after all those years.

And like she was a teenager again, back on that night the words first rumbled in her chest, she gathered up the courage she now had, after years of hiding, and held him close, pushing away the tears.

 

\- Eu amo-te…

 

It was firmer this time, but still shaky and hushed; the adrenaline that was kicked into her veins made her legs feel like jelly and her face feel cold from how hot it was. She was still very much afraid of waking Eli up, but it felt so liberating to finally say it out loud, with him there in her arms, that she just couldn’t help it. It could serve as practice, for when she really wanted to tell him that.

From the man’s point of view, however, things were very much all over the place. He was shaken to sleep by Jessie’s pounding heart, since his ear as still very much pressed to it. He was practically half asleep still, now trying to work with what he had to go back to dream land, but that was when his master spoke. He couldn’t quite catch what she said, even if they were this close, but it only left him more confused. What if she was trying to wake him up because she wasn’t feeling well? With that in mind, he willed himself to wake up, eyes still closed since his glasses pushed back against them so firmly. Down to just a few senses, he stayed still, focusing on the sound of her breathing. She mumbled the same thing again, clearer this time, and her heart calmed down slightly. Was that a good sign or not? His whole body was hitching to move, to do something, but he didn’t want to make Jessie upset for waking up earlier than supposed to, whenever that was. So he stayed still, simply listening, simply focused, when she spoke again, now like she was directly speaking to him.

 

\- Eu amo-te.

 

He got it this time, but his confusion stayed, only changing the perspective of it. She seemed okay, but why was she saying that? Specially when he was asleep. It was almost like they were in a badly written fanfic, where one of the characters practiced their confession to the other while they couldn’t hear them. It didn’t make any sense.

 

\- Master? – he asked, looking at her before he could notice what he was doing.

 

The scream that ripped out of her throat was so loud that left both of their ears ringing, with the added danger of almost falling off the couch. Jessie’s heart was beating so fast it didn’t feel like it was moving at all. Had she woken him up? Did he hear her? She didn’t dare look at him, but she could still feel his gaze on her.

 

\- What were you saying? – he tried, yawning to add to the show. Pretending like he had just woken up seemed to be the best option at the moment.

\- O-Oh, nothing! I-I sometimes, uhm, talk during my sleep- yea! It’s a thing that runs in the family – her voice sounded fake and shaky even to herself, and it only puzzled him more that she was lying to him now.

\- But you screamed when I called out for you.

\- N-Nightmare? – she tried, clearly lying.

 

His shoulders dropped and he wanted to let go of her, but there was no room for him to do so.

 

\- I know what you were saying, master. You’ve explained to me before what it meant – Jessie’s blood ran cold, and the world seemed to tip as her heart sank to her stomach. – Why are you lying to me?

 

She stayed quiet, like she couldn’t feel her voice, and when she spoke, it didn’t feel like it was her talking.

 

\- I wasn’t lying-

\- You were! – he cut her off. – I know you weren’t sleeping.

 

He took a moment, curling his fists tightly around her sweater. The woman stayed quiet, in shame of being caught.

 

\- Is it such a bad thing that you love me?

 

Her eyes widened at his thought process.

 

\- N-No, none of that-

\- Then why did you lie? – he glanced up at her, his expression unreadable to her for once. – I know what that means. And I also know what that means to you. So I don’t understand why you’d lie about that…

 

Jessie could feel her heart shattering at the mess she had caused, biting on her lip as she tried to think of how to solve it.

 

\- I-I’m sorry I lied. I didn’t, I didn’t want to lie, but I got scared… - she quickly cut him off when she saw he was about to speak again. – But it wasn’t because of you. I’m not ashamed of you, or, or of loving you. I just, I don’t know.

 

She carefully tried to hold him closer, to press his head against her chest so he’d know she wasn’t lying, but he slipped away from her, still wary of her. Jessie understood, but it still pained her, like a dagger going through her heart.

 

\- I didn’t want to make you anxious, or confused. I wasn’t sure if you knew what it meant, and if you did, but got it wrong, I wouldn’t want to make things awkward. Because I didn’t mean it like, romantically, but it’s stronger than just an ‘I love you’ between friends and I’m sorry.

 

Her voice got wobbly as her eyes watered. She hated herself in so many different ways and the situation had just combined so many of them that she was getting overwhelmed. It was like she was gasping under water, drowning in her own tears as she sunk lower and lower.

But then Eli brought her afloat, rubbing the harsh ends of her sweater against her eyes and completely breaking her self-pity.

 

\- I’m sorry! I’m sorry, it’s okay.

 

At the little bridge that connected them together, Jessie leaped forward and cling to Eli, taking her chance while she could. The man still squeaked, trying not to tense up, and patted her back awkwardly, hoping she wasn’t crying.

Thanks to some kind of miracle, she managed to hold back the tears, just content for still being able to have her kitten this close to her. Her breathing was still shallow, if not more now that she wanted to speak, and that only made the man more nervous.

 

\- Master, i-it really is okay, please don’t-

\- I… Eu… - she took a deep breath to clear her mind and looked at him confidently, even if that feeling wavered when he looked back at her – E-Eu amo-te.

 

All of her courage slipped into the air with those words, and she did the only thing she wanted to do, which was hiding. She buried her face in his hair, feeling all the blood rushing to her face as she tried to not cringe at herself, when a soft giggle reached her ears.

 

\- Je t’aime! – he declared, with that cute voice he always mustered when he said that.

 

Jessie stayed quiet for a second, confusion washing over her.

 

\- Y-You know you’re not French, right?

\- Yea! – he said happily.

\- Then why did you say that in French?

\- Same reason as you did.

 

He then shook his head, so he could tickle his master with his hair on purpose. When she pulled away from him, he went ahead and licked her cheek lightly, smirking slightly.

 

\- Je t’aime!

 

Jessie blinked, feeling her face flushing but not being able to look away. It felt like literal sunshine was raising in their hearts, and the woman couldn’t keep her giggles covered.

 

\- Oh you – she whispered, hugging him as close as she could to her, ripping a loud purr out of him as he tried to do the same. – I’m assuming you aren’t mad at me?

\- Course not! – he tried to shuffle away from her, only to be able to look at her face, but she was smiling down at him, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead.

\- Thank you. You’re like my prince in shining armour.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I finally managed to pick up the draft I had and finish it, but it was getting too long, so I broke it into to parts. In case the ending looks rushed or out of place. I also prolly made a bunch of typos so im sorry if something doesnt make sense.

Eli beamed brightly at her honesty, and nuzzled his face into her shoulder, only to receive a dying whale sound as a response. Jessie snorted and hid her face in her hands over the situation and slowly sat up, untangling herself from her kitten.

 

\- Dinner time, it seems like – she mumbled, embarrassed.

 

The man looked like he was about to complain over it, but she quickly silenced him by petting his hair.

 

\- I’ll see what I can do, alright?

 

And then she pushed herself back on her feet, disappearing into the kitchen. Eli still tried to whine loudly, half-jokingly, so she could come back with their food faster, and when his master showed up with two bowls full of some cereal she had never seen in her life, the man didn’t even hesitate, snatching his dinner and almost spilling milk all over the floor.

 

\- I love you – he said with a smile, dragging out the words, before scooping a spoonful onto his mouth.

 

Jessie only giggled at that, kissing the top of his head before following his lead. Halfway through their cereal, Eli silently opened his laptop again, and they continued to watch the rest of the series until their stomachs were full and the moon was high on the sky.

It must have been around midnight when the brunette kept rubbing her teary eyes, her yawns making her jaw crack weakly every time. It was a weird event, since she’d do it again after just a couple of minutes, pretending like it had never happened in the first place. So her kitten decided to be the responsible one for once on that day, leaving a gentle kiss on her cheek as he turned off his laptop.

 

\- Bedtime – he simply announced, jumping off the couch and grabbing her hands, tugging her to do the same.

 

His master chuckled tiredly, even after all the naps they had taken, and just let herself be dragged as the man lead her to his bathroom. It didn’t take him long to realize that she still hadn’t unpacked, so he quickly went back and searched through her things for her little bag of necessities, bringing it to her despite her best efforts at turning him down. She still thanked him anyways, taking her toothbrush and toothpaste and lazily brushing her teeth. Her companion watched her every movement in awe, quickly copying her without ever taking his eyes off her. Jessie almost choked on the foam in her mouth when she saw his face, quickly spitting it out and rinsing what could be left of it.

 

\- Am I that ugly? – she teased, smirking a little as she reached for her orthodontic appliance, something she’d have to use for the rest of her life as a consequence of having used braces.

 

Eli squawked at her, watching with curiosity as she make it click against her upper teeth.

 

\- You’re not – he pouted, trying to keep his resolution intact as she make a couple of weird faces to make sure the appliance was stuck for sure.

 

She only smiled at him, the transparent apparatus barely visible.

 

\- You always fall for that – she said, holding out her hand for him. – Wanna drag master again?

 

His eyes shinned and he silently replied by pulling her into his room, which was significantly colder than the rest of the house since the window was still opened. They both realized, as they looked at the bed, that the clothes that hasn’t gone to the washing machine earlier had stayed put over his mattress, when they should have been folded. The man didn’t even blink twice before throwing everything back on the floor, ignoring his master’s protests, while also making his way up to the window and closing it.

 

\- Bedtime! – he repeated excitedly, cautiously pushing her to lie down.

 

Jessie was still very clearly afraid of having another flashback but did what her kitten wanted anyways, resting on her side as he made his way into the covers, pulling them over them both before cuddling up to her with a quiet purr. They stayed like that, the woman smiled gently down at her kitten, until her tiny companion fell asleep, his soft breathing reaching her ears. And just like that, her smile dissolved into a frown, the heavy darkness going darker still. She could see somewhat, since the blinds hadn’t been pulled down all the way, but her uneasiness didn’t go away. It was ridiculous, how a woman of her age was still afraid of the dark. Well, not exactly the dark, but what had been done to her while it was present. She tried to focus on her breathing, and on Eli’s, but her head was spinning, and she could almost sense a presence behind her, looking down at her, about to touch her.

It was too much before she realized it. Her body moved on its own, carefully pulling away from the sleeping man on the bed. Her legs took her back to the living room, the open view out the window promptly calming her senses. She could see it had started raining at some point, but that only encouraged her more, her hands sliding the window open once she figured how to do it. The cold, humid air from outside forced her to relax as she took it in. The rain wasn’t falling strong yet, and the soft looking clouds were just the right shade of grey.

“It must be morning already”, she sighed to herself, as she reached behind her to grab her phone. Once out of her pocket, she clicked on the power button, watching the screen light up. It was exactly 2 am, but that wasn’t what surprised her the most. She had 4 missed calls from her mother, followed by 5 messages on Whatsapp. Her blood ran cold as she unlocked her phone, reading the texts. It was no surprise that she was upset, or that she decided to be passive aggressive about the whole situation, but the context of the messages themselves made her whole body shake out of instinct. Her cousin was getting married. She had known for quite a while about that fact from Beatrice, who had to be the unfortunate soul to pick up the phone when P decided to break down the news to the both of them. At the time, he still didn’t have a date scheduled, but it seemed like he had now.

Jessie fell to the floor, biting her lip to muffle her yelp. She couldn’t believe this was happening. Her sister had said from the beginning that she wouldn’t be attending the wedding, using her unstable job as a fact, rather than an excuse. Her whole family knew how chaotic her last few months had been, so no one was really holding her against the wall. Now, the situation with Jessie was different. She had no reason not to go. And even if she had, people would just say she was making up excuses, and then get suspicious as to why she wouldn’t want to go to her cousin’s wedding.

Her chest hurt and it was getting harder to breathe by the second, but even if she was vaguely aware that she was panicking yet again on that day, she couldn’t find the energy in herself to stop it. The corners of her vision were gradually getting hazy, and her head felt light, like someone was holding the weight of it between their hands. It might as well have happened that, since, somehow, she could hear someone hastily whispering in her ears, the only real thing she could grasp from the storm of thoughts that swirled in her mind. She could sense her focus shifting, her eyes looking ahead but not taking in the room, as her facial expressions shifted without her control. She knew she was slowly blinking, trying to regain consciousness, but she could barely feel it. She knew exactly what was happening, and just let it go on ahead, feeling like her presence was being tugged from behind and thrown into the familiar unknown.

When she blinked her eyes next, it wasn’t Jessie there anymore. The new entity straightened their back and took in the room, suspiciously looking around as they easily got in control over their breathing. “This must be Eligah’s place”, they thought to themself, carefully getting up and noticing the unlocked phone screen, checking over the messages with a heavy expression. They resisted the urge to throw their phone across the room and used it as a flashlight instead, inspecting around the area with soft, calculated steps. When they finally reached Eli’s bedroom, they confirmed that he was still asleep, now mumbling something under his breath. They only shook their head and sighed, going back to the living room and laying down on the couch. It would have to do for the night.  They curled themself in a small ball, hugging their knees and quickly drifting away, the toll of sleepless nights always heavier on their shoulders. They supposed they preferred it like that, knowing that getting used to only managing 4 hours of sleep probably wasn’t a very good sign.

Thankfully, they had a dreamless rest, waking up at around 10 am from the light pouring from the window. It wasn’t particularly strong, since the weather outside was still overcast, but they needed an excuse to get up, other than the fact that all their bones ached from sleeping on the couch.  On the other hand, Eligah wasn’t so lucky, shaking himself awake from a particularly vivid night terror. His state of mind clearly didn’t improve after realizing Jessie wasn’t there on the bed with him, throwing himself into a silent panic. That’s when his ears picked up on the sounds coming from the bathroom, immediately relaxing at seeing his master past the door frame. Without his glasses he couldn’t pick up right away that it wasn’t Jessie, but even with them, he probably wouldn’t have come to that conclusion.

 

\- Fucking finally you’re awake – they grumbled, stepping into the room and walking across it to push the blinds all the way up, successfully blinding both of them.

 

The man on the bed hissed, barely noticing the change in their behavior, simply coming to the conclusion that his master must have been really upset with him for some reason. He vaguely remembered that she also got easily moody in the mornings.

 

\- I’m sorry – he whispered weakly, turning his back to them, trying to not get any more emotional than what he was being already.

 

At seeing the shaking man, they sighed heavily, walking around the bed to stare down at him. They didn’t have the energy to tease him right now, nor did it seem like the right time for that.

 

\- I’m not your master, so be a man for once – they said, doing their best to soften their voice as they crouched in front of him.

 

Admittedly, Eligah was still very much afraid of them, his sleepy brain not connecting the dots as he didn’t dare look at them. He heard them sigh again, and then move.

 

\- No, please! – he spoke urgently, finally looking up. – D-Don’t leave me, please…

 

They stared down at him with a mixture of annoyance and boredom, giving up on doing more than just sit down on the bed by his side.

 

\- I wasn’t gonna, dumbass – they admitted, their words not intending to be heavy on the insults. – I made breakfast, it’s gonna get cold.

 

For some odd reason, that was what tripped him. Breakfast. Jessie never ate breakfast. It always made her sick, so she only drank a cup of coffee with too much milk and sugar and was good to go. Plus, she didn’t know how to cook. The blonde widened his eyes up at the figure next to him, not scooting away only because his body was aching too much.

 

\- Ruth? – he asked timidly, afraid of getting it wrong. Their immediate reaction was scrunching their nose.

\- Who else would it be, huh? – They sounded bothered, but it wasn’t their intention.

\- Uhm-

\- Don’t answer that.

 

Ruth moved out of the bed, grabbing Eligah’s bifocals and handing them to him.

 

\- Hurry the fuck up. You don’t have anything to eat besides noodles. – They quickly cut him off when he tried to speak. – I know what I’m fucking talking about, I checked your whole kitchen.

 

They rolled their shoulders and pushed Jessie’s glasses up their nose, in a clear and up to the point motion.

 

\- I’m gonna make coffee. Don’t hurry and I’ll use all the one you have.

 

And with that they left the room. The threat must have worked somewhat, since Eligah found himself jumping off the bed and running bare foot to the kitchen, glasses on their right place now. The man scanned the space, spotting Ruth in front of the coffee making machine, one of his biggest cups being filled with nothing but black coffee.

 

\- Ah wait! – he snapped, walking up to them. – C-Can you even drink coffee? You’re underage, right?

 

They stared at him with the blankest expression.

 

\- Does it look like I care? – they looked back at the machine and turned it off, pulling the mug from under it and taking a sip in a moment of stupid bravery.

 

Eligah glanced at them with the most worry he could convey, calmly settling down when he watched Ruth go grab the sugar and discreetly pour a couple of spoons in their coffee, like the man wasn’t watching them.

 

\- D-Didn’t I tell you to go get ready? We need to go buy groceries. Well, just food in general - they took another sip of their drink, physically relaxing at the sweet taste.

\- O-Okay…

 

The man defeatedly went back to his room and tried to change out of his clothes, but couldn’t find in himself the strength to do so. Jessie’s sweater was too comforting for him at the moment, so he only slipped into a pair of jeans and put on some random shoes, forcing himself back to the kitchen. He was still kind of wary around the woman’s other personality, so he stopped right by the door and peeked inside, watching as Ruth re-heated a grilled cheese sandwich for him by the stove. The random act of kindness confused him to no end, but he kept watching them until they pulled out a plate and carefully slid the food from the pan. When they set down the plate on the counter, he could see their smirk stretching across their lips, sending chills down his spine.

 

\- I know you’re spying on me – to which they got a little squeak in response, and the look of an embarrassed tiny man stepping into view. – What, thought I’d poison your food or something?

 

They watched as Eligah fidgeted with the ends of the sweater sleeves, widening his eyes while not looking at them. He wanted to deny it, but the words just wouldn’t come out. The playful smile on Ruth’s face slipped as quickly as it appeared and they just grabbed their coffee, pushing past him in a sudden fit of rage.

 

\- Wait, I’m sorry-

\- Shut the fuck up – They snapped, glaring back at him as their mind raced. – Doesn’t matter. Just eat your poisoned breakfast and grab your fucking keys.

\- I would have already gotten out of here if we knew how to drive – they grumbled to themselves, flopping down on the couch and grumpily drinking the rest of their coffee, scrolling through Jessie’s Tumblr dash.

 

As they emptied their mug, Eligah tried not to let the guilt get to him, seeming like it only strengthened as he took another bite into his grilled cheese. It was really good, he was not going to lie. It almost gave him appetite to eat more. Almost. After he had finished eating and realized Ruth had actually kept their promise about the coffee, the person themself entered the kitchen, half ignoring him as they gathered what they has used and pilled everything in the sink. Since the man was sorting through his array of pills, popping at least one from the dozens of little bottles he owned, he actually didn’t pay them too much attention, just wanting to focus on making sure he took all of them.

When he finally lifted his eyes to look at Ruth, they were already staring at him, taking in the sight. While Eligah was distracted, they took in as much information about his pills as he could, committing the shapes and colors of all of them to memory, so they could know which belonged to what bottle. They would never admit they cared about his well-being, nor that they had changed the usual position of his medication, so he could find them more easily and not forget about it. The blonde didn’t seem to have realized neither of those things, so they could keep up their act.

 

\- Done? – they rasped out, putting in the effort to look menacing.

\- Almost – Eli replied back at him, actually getting a little annoyed with their attitude. – I’m going to the bathroom, so give me privacy.

 

Ruth could only watch as he marched past them, shocked for only a second before curling into themselves. “That’s what you get for being a bitch”, they kept reminding themself, craving their nails into their palms. They stayed still for a while, their breathing ragged as they tried to take a hold of their sudden wave of emotions. However, like always, they quickly pushed them down, turning around and stomping to the living room. They had other issues to attend to, after all. They definitely weren’t leaving the house dressed like Jessie had decided, that was for sure. It’s true they hadn’t payed much attention to what they were wearing the night before, but that was only because the exhaustion has sipped so deep into their bones they could barely move.

But now, just the sight of the cutesy white shorts they had on made them want to scratch their eyeballs out. They were genderqueer after all. And what, did they want to get assaulted or something? Not on their watch. Ruth moved quickly, objective clear in their mind as they tugged all of Jessie’s bags into the room, swiftly closing the door behind them. They had helped her pack her things, so there must have been some clothes that belonged to them in there somewhere. After a bit of searching, they found their favorite black sweater right at the bottom of one of the bags, right by one of their sports bras. They smiled lightly to themself and didn’t waste any more time before undressing from head to toe, smoothly sliding into both pieces and sighing in relief. They promptly grabbed a random pair of jeans they found and also put them on, deciding to go with the boots Jessie had been walking around on, since they were the only good choice in fashion the woman had ever taken in her whole life. They heard a shy knock on the door when they were in the process of untangling their hair from the disastrous ponytail Jessie had tried to make the day before.

 

\- What do you want?- they said with some effort, whimpering quietly when they finally tugged the band away from all the knots.

\- I’m done now, if you want to use the bathroom – came the reply from the other side.

 

The door opened right on that instant, showing a disheveled and angry Ruth towering over him. He had to hold back his laughter at the sight.

 

\- Yes, I think I need to – they growled out, disappearing as fast as they could into the bathroom.

 

Once he was gone, Eligah burst into a fit of giggles. He quickly tried to cover his mouth with his hands, but his happy sounds still escaped, thankfully not being heard by the person to which they were directed. He eventually calmed down, resorting to playing Neko Atsume to pass the time, humming as he leaned against the wall. Ruth finally got out and stepped closer to him, slightly red from frustration.

 

\- Oh, ready? – he said when he noticed they were there, putting his phone away.

\- Basically.

 

They were slightly out of breath, having almost stormed through his bathroom from not being able to do a bun on the first go. The man could tell something was different, but didn’t have much time to develop that thought when he saw Ruth reach out for one of his beanies and put it on, hiding their hair under it.

 

\- Uhm, what are you doing? – he asked innocently.

\- Is that a trick question or something? – they replied, looking back at him in confusion.

\- No, just- why are you wearing my beanie?

\- Oh my god- why the hell do you think I’m wearing it? My hair is a mess so I’m hiding it – they arranged the mint green beanie in their head, as if to prove their statement. – Besides, the little shit left most of my stuff back in Portugal, and I can’t exactly teleport there to grab them.

 

The man winced quietly, fidgeting with the ends of Jessie’s sweater, which only made Ruth moodier.

 

\- What did I say now? Or do you not want me to wear this thing? I can drop it if-

\- Please just, shut up! – he snapped, but didn’t particularly looked angry. – I just, don’t like it when you call her bad names. Or me, for that matter. Y-You can wear it, just ask next time.

 

Before they had any chance to reply, Eligah was turning around and walking up to the stand at the back of the living room, to where he had thrown his keys.

 

\- Let’s go.

 

Ruth could only nod, biting the inside of their cheeks so hard it drew blood. They followed him out of the building and into the street, already crowed and noisy. Way too noisy. They shoved their hands into the pocket of their sweater and tried not to lose sight of the man, glaring at everyone that for some unfortunate reason decided to look their way.

The drive to the supermarket was painfully silent. The man was regretting slightly for having raised his voice at Ruth, since for all he knew, they could still be 13. He didn’t think he knew any 13 year old that wasn’t a little shit. And he could tell they were trying to get better. All because of a stupid beanie… From the teenager’s perspective, however, they knew they had fucked up. They just couldn’t control his tongue. They’d rather die than not be brutally honest. If they were going to get in trouble anyways, better be themselves while doing it. They still felt bad for not asking to borrow Eligah’s things, no matter how awesome they looked. It didn’t feel right, and they hated that they were admitting it. They would just have to make it up to him somehow.  


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a mess and it makes no sense, but I havent posted a new chapter in a while so here it is! All the tag warnings still apply, specially the swearing. I was trying to hint at something, but i think i couldnt really make it clear, so maybe on the next chapter ill add new tags.

One curious situation they had realized not so long ago was that Ruth got car sick. Extremely easily. Max of max, Jessie only felt claustrophobic for having to be in a closed space for so long, but Ruth was a totally different story. As soon as Eligah parked his car and unlocked the doors, they were getting out, supporting their weight against the car door as they slowly breathed in and out, trying not to focus on the heavy lump on their throat.

 

\- You okay? – they heard the man ask softly, followed by the door closing by his side and by his footsteps contouring the vehicle to get to them.

 

Ruth didn’t reply, simply throwing the door closed too and shoving their hands into the middle pocket of their hoodie, taking a few wobbly steps. Maybe the boots hadn’t been the best of ideas.

 

\- Please. I’m sorry for before. – Eligah kept pushing, standing in their way with a genuine worried expression. – You look pale.

\- Just shut up – they rasped out, gulping visibly, the acid burning in their throat. – I’m used to it. Shouldn’t have eaten. Just let me be and let’s get this over with.

 

The man nodded and bit his lip, resisting the urge to ask again as he stepped away from them. He watched as Ruth hunched forward, their lifeless eyes looking slightly distraught as they made their way to the entrance of the grocery store. They could hear Eligah coming after them, a shopping basket already in hand when they turned to look at him.

 

\- You don’t look so good either – they mumbled, finally taking in his poor attempt at hiding his panic.

 

The man’s grip on the basket got tighter, actually taking a step closer to Ruth as they marched into the supermarket, the bright lights hurting his eyes once they got inside. He hated those lights. He hated the weird smell, and all the noise echoing in the closed space, even if this supermarket wasn’t particularly small. There were too many people there, even if it was already close enough to lunch, and he’d rather crawl into the nearest hole and hide than pacing through the halls looking for food he didn’t want to eat. And as much as he appreciated seeing Jessie’s face and feeling her presence there, a quick look to her body made him realized just how wrong that statement was.

That thought was quickly proved right when he heard a scold, and saw a hand raising in the air, rapidly coming closer to him. He flinched and took a step away, almost bumping into a random isle of products, ready for the hit that never came. Instead, the hoodie of Jessie’s sweater was swept over his hair, big enough to engulf all of his head in it, casting a comforting shadow over his eyes. 

 

\- Yea, I’m gonna ignore that reaction – they breathed out, dragging the beanie over their forehead, the pressure of the material against their palm grounding them a little. – I’m gonna look for the waters. Don’t wanna risk throwing up. Wanna split or are you afraid of getting lost?

 

Before he realized what he was doing, there was a gasp and a full body shiver as he clang to Ruth’s arm. Eligah immediately looked up and opened his mouth to apologize, but the panicked look on their face threw him off guard.

The voices suddenly got so loud. There were screams and the sound of harsh slaps, the marks burning into their flesh as the lights got brighter. They could feel their back bruising and their hairs being ripped off, their memories almost vivid enough to make them scream. The sudden wave of acidic coffee rushing up his throat shook the hallucinations away, a hand flying up to their mouth as they tried to keep it in.

 

\- Ruth? - Eligah asked softly, confused beyond relief.

 

He still hadn’t let go of their arm, only loosening his grip a little. The expression they had on their face looked almost the same as Jessie’s when she had a flashback the day before. There was something different, however, that he couldn’t really pinpoint. They definitely didn’t look panicked, only shocked, still pale.

 

\- Don’t touch me without my permission – their voice sounded angry but their features didn’t match it, their free hand coming up and gripping at his arm to keep him close, their hold slightly hurtful. – I’m gonna take that as a no to the splitting.

 

They were moving around the aisle before Eligah could take it all in, stumbling after them the best he could. They were shaking slightly, their gaze fixed straight ahead, finding the little corner where they stored the water and juices alike not too far away from where they were before.

 

\- I’m sorry… - Ruth heard as their reached for a small bottle, cracking the lid open and slowly taking a few gulps, focusing on the lump going back to their stomach as the voices quiet down.

\- Is that all you can say? – they asked, keeping the bottle with them.

 

The man attentively looked up at them, and all traces of nausea and panic were gone, their usual mean frown in place.

 

\- What? – they grumbled when he kept staring.

\- You panicked? I think?? – he asked, bewildered. – What happened back there??

 

Ruth eyed him out of the corner of their eyes, slowly letting out a breath. They turned fully to him, something soft in their features, and Eligah could feel the hope blooming in his chest at the thought that they would open up to him. When they parted their lips to begin talking, an unexpected hand was brought up and flickered his forehead instead, leaving a red mark as they smirked.

 

\- What was that for?! – he pouted, rubbing the barely bruised area.

\- Punishment. For being too damn curious.

 

They started walking again, feeling his gaze on them and ignoring it as they found their way around the corridors and weird items, finding a couple of things from their mental list and throwing them in the basket Eligah still carried.

 

\- I was just worried – the man admitted quietly when Ruth stopped in front of the packaged cheeses and yogurts, glaring at all the weird brands and names.

\- Don’t care – they lied, rubbing their eye as they let a couple of different things fall on the basket. – We don’t need any more attention on us than what we’re already getting.

 

The blonde frowned up at them, not understanding as they moved along again, grabbing some sour cream. Ruth sighed heavily.

 

\- You’re so fucking oblivious, I swear to god. – they quieted down, glaring ahead. – That woman over there has been watching us like we killed her cat. – they turned to face him, and then shook their head to gesture to the other end of the hall – That family over there was complaining about foreigners because of your stupid fashion choice. They prolly think you’re the “spanish” one because you’re the one wearing it.

 

Eligah blinked and looked to the people they pointed at, noticing the hatred on the different family members as they tore the gaze away from him, once they saw him looking.

 

\- Spanish??

\- Yea, dipshit. – they sighed yet again and tugged him along, away from there. – Dumb bastards can’t recognize portuguese not even if it slapped them in the face. I was close to.

 

The information wasn’t clicking on his mind, for some reason, so he let that subject go for the meantime.

 

\- What do they have to do with your reaction earlier? – he pressed, something in him wanting to know just what had happened for future reference.

 

Ruth’s steps came to a halt and they bit their cheek hard to hold back a specifically stingy insult, looking around to avoid seeing the pity on his face.

 

\- You’re really not letting that go, are you?

 

They received a shy shake of the head in return, Eligah’s tiny arms wrapping tighter around their arm, in excitement and fear, depending on their reaction.

 

-The motherfuckers saw me freaking out and now they prolly think I’m drugged or something. – they cut right through some random corridor to get to where they displayed the fruits and the vegetables, analyzing them with scrutiny. – What I’m assuming was the father tried to take a picture of me, but one of his kids stopped him. And I turned around.

 

Ruth threw a random packaged lettuce on top of the pile the man carried surprisingly easy, gathering some bell peppers and onions in separate plastic bags and holding onto them themself to spare some space on the basket. When they already had picked up a few bananas and some apples, Eligah tried again, still a bit confused.

 

\- Yes, but that was after you, well, I don’t know. I was asking about that moment.

 

The man wondered for a second if he wasn’t pushing too much, slightly freaking out as Ruth’s expression turned darkly serious, watching as their rubbed their forehead, feeling the beanie again.

 

\- Let’s just say, Jessie forgot about some really exciting trips to the supermarket when she was younger.

 

Eligah was about to ask what that meant, but the look Ruth gave him told him they weren’t speaking any more than that. Both kept the silence for a while as they kept searching for what they thought they needed for the house, effectively losing track of prying eyes after some time. The blonde was distractedly eyeing everything they were planning on buying when they bumped into Ruth’s back, hearing a small growl as a warning.

 

\- S-Sorry. I got distracted...

\- Sure, don’t care – Ruth wasn’t looking at him. – Pick something out, my treat.

 

Eligah was about to ask what they meant when he noticed where they were. The shelves were filled with all types of packaged cookies and chocolate bars, and there was a delighted squeak before he let go of their arm to take in all his options. Ruth watched him walk away, making a disgusted face at their excitement.

 

\- Only one thing! I’m not made out of money.

\- Okay! – the man chuckled after dragging out the word, completely lost in all the choices.

 

Ruth could only sigh as Eligah looked between the different packs and boxes, like a kid on a candy store. Well, as close to that as they would get anyway. Suddenly, there was a voice, and they tried their best not to glare as they peeked in the direction of the sound, their skin crawling from almost panic.

 

\- Oh, I’m sorry if I scared you, darling – an old woman spoke in a heavy accent, looking slightly embarrassed. – Didn’t mean to scare you there.

\- Ah, it’s fine. – Ruth replied, softening their voice and putting on their act. – Can I help you with something?

\- Yes, if you wouldn’t mind. – the lady smiled and pointed a bony, trembling hand to one of the higher shelves. – Could you get one of those for me, please?

 

They looked between the short woman and the display of an enormous variety of digestive biscuits, contorting their nose. All of them looked gross, with their failed attempts to make the packaging just appealing enough for people to buy them.

 

\- Which one? If there’s a difference between them – they forced out a laugh, reaching for two different brands.

\- Oh, the green ones, please – the senior replied, trying to point more precisely to the ones she wanted. – I couldn’t tell you if there’s a difference, but those are my favorites anyway.

 

Ruth nodded and grabbed the box, showing it to the lady until she took them.

 

\- Thank you so much, dear.

\- Ah, don’t worry, it’s okay-

\- Ruth! – Eligah came skipping, holding at least 5 different chocolate bars. – Can we try all of these, please?

 

They quickly acted when they realized just how close he was, grabbing him by the shoulders and standing their ground as the man almost barged against them, holding him back easily. Only one second of hesitation and all three of them would have ended up on the floor.

 

\- Could you be more careful, dumbass? – their spite came out full force, glaring at the tiny man before peeking back at the old lady, which thankfully only looked amused. – I’m really sorry.

\- Oh, it’s alright, my dear. I know how young love is.

 

She had meant it in an endearing way, you could tell, smiling softly as she observed the pair, and something in Ruth stopped them from lying on that moment, even if it couldn’t matter less. The old woman got the answer she wanted anyways, when Eligah’s face quickly burned as he tried to hide behind all the chocolates he was still holding. They could only snort as they looked down at his reaction, smirking.

 

\- You wish – they whispered before letting go of him, turning fully to the lady and trying to go back to being sickening sweet. – Need help with anything else?

 

It took her a while to reply, getting lost in the scene in front of her as she recalled better days. Even if she couldn’t exactly say the gender of the two young adults in front of her, she was happy for them, nonetheless.

 

\- No, it’s alright. – a small smile appeared in her lips as she waved. – Thank you again for your help.

 

She was walking away before any of them could react, and just as fast was Ruth dropping their act, gripping Eligah by the arm and promptly making him go back to being afraid.

 

\- What is all of that?

 

They didn’t sound particularly angry, nor were they hurting him, but the small man couldn’t help but shiver, his body reacting on his own to the possible threat to come. His eyes were wide with fear.

 

\- I-I just- I saw all these new ones, and I thought-

\- Yea, alright, whatever – they grumbled as they let go of his arm, snatching the chocolates out of his hands.

 

Ruth really wanted to check out what was so amazing with those things as they looked at the flavors, but the harsh clamping of their heart was distracting them. Regret could go die in a hole. They quickly let go of that idea, throwing them back at Eligah and walking past him while he struggled to not let any of the bars fall to the floor. “You’re still the same shitty monster”, they heard themselves think, and they weren’t sure if it had been themselves thinking that or the nagging voices. They were particularly powerful today, for some reason. They shouldn’t have left the apartment.

 

\- Ruth...?

\- What? – they snapped, not even looking back at him.

\- D-Did I do something?

 

His voice sounded close, and extremely weak, like usual, but was soft under it all, like he was worried. It almost made them laugh.

 

\- You’re way too self-centered. Not everything is about you.

 

And then, Ruth was turning around, grabbing the basket out of his hands and leaving him only with the chocolates, walking faster to the nearest line of people. They didn’t want to cause a scene, so they went the safe route and avoided the self-registering areas, despite them being practically empty and so, probably must faster. Eligah caught up to them in the meantime, fidgeting and looking generally uneasy. Ruth really didn’t get him.

They methodically emptied the basket and dropped their groceries on the rolling carpet, watching the anxious man leave his treats close to the rest of their things as Ruth walked in front of the person handling the register. The man must have been having a bad day, since he simply threw a couple of plastic bags at Ruth without even a simple hello, quickly scanning the products. They had to hold back a growl as they shoved everything into the bags, pulling out Jessie’s wallet out of their pocket while the worker calculated the price.

 

\- Ah no, please! – Eligah spoke after what seemed an eternity, holding his hands in the air. – I’ll pay, it’s okay.

 

This time, Ruth actually growled.

 

\- Don’t get in my way, shortie. – they said, glaring menacingly at him.

 

The total appeared on a small screen right by them, and Ruth moved faster than Eligah, handing the cashier a few bills and coins before grabbing all of the bags and going on ahead, like they didn’t weight a thing. The blonde squeaked and quickly ran after them, trying to hold onto at least one bag, but Ruth was glaring at him again before he could even touch one, leaving him a grumpy pouty mess.

They reached Eligah’s car in no time, the man leaving Ruth to load the groceries as he walked to the front, jumping to the driver seat as he slammed the door. They gritted their teeth at the noise, feeling their anger bubbling in their stomach as they got in the car as well. Why the fuck was he mad now?

The drive was as silent as the previous one, the same heavy atmosphere between them until they reached their destination. Ruth could practically hear their own thoughts forming, the darkness inside them tainting their heart. Bad day, huh? Couldn’t have seen that coming at all. A quick flash of P crossed their mind, almost to remind them of their own existence, and usually their vision would turn red because of that, but it only got blurrier around the edges. They must have been halfway there, the traffic running smoother in this part of town. They wondered how bad it would hurt if they just jumped out of the car.

This time, as soon as the car stopped, Eligah was out and sprinting to the trunk, grabbing everything before Ruth could stop him. They rolled their eyes at the scene, simply following him, not even bothering on trying to help until they were back in his apartment.

Eligah dropped the bags on the kitchen counter unceremoniously, inspecting everything they had bought and letting the pit in his stomach grow as he truly took in how much stuff it was. He didn’t stay guilty for long, though, as Ruth bumped into him on purpose and searched for something on the bags. The man snapped his head to look at them, pout already in place as he watched them with mixed emotions, but quickly realized that their dull eyes weren’t looking at him any time soon, possibly even ignoring him.

 

\- You put the stuff on their places – they suddenly murmured, their voice weak for some reason, as they looked around the cupboards for a pot they could use.

 

The blonde nodded distractedly, but didn’t do that right away, trying to figure out what they wanted to cook with the things they had gathered. He couldn’t tell yet what was happening inside their head, but you couldn’t really blame him for that.

 

\- Could you stop being a creep and do what I fucking told you? – they said more firmly, finally looking him in the eyes, shocking Eligah back to reality.

 

He quickly grabbed something at random and shoved it in the nearest cupboard without even checking what it was, only relaxing a little when he peeked back at Ruth and saw they were focused on what they were making. Soon, the kitchen smelled warm with cinnamon, and Eligah was working on storing the last of what they had bought when Ruth poured the oatmeal into two bowls. The man barely had time to watch the light brown mixture from afar before Ruth was bolting out of the room, taking their lunch with them. He heard the tv come to life as he followed after them, fidgeting with his hands as he stood quietly at the entrance of the living room.

Ruth looked even more lifeless than before, their eyes unfocused as they played with their oatmeal, not actually eating it. They were sitting on the far end of the couch, leaning against the arm, and didn’t even seem to have noticed Eligah stepping closer over the noise of the news.

 

\- I’m sorry... – the man whispered, sitting on the sofa with a good distance between them.

\- ‘ts fine – finally they ate a spoonful, trying to change the subject. – I didn’t poison the oatmeal, if that’s what you’re wondering. So go eat before I make you.

 

Something was off, and it was making Eligah freak out. They sounded too soft, almost tired. They didn’t seem like they were feeling sick again, since they were kinda eating, but it still didn’t make any sense. A heavy sigh cut through his thoughts, and even if their body felt heavy, Ruth shifted around, sitting straighter as they looked at him.

 

\- I can hear your brain working from here. And it’s annoying. Stop that – another spoonful, chewing it very slowly. – Nothing’s wrong, you didn’t do anything, and honestly, your sorry’s are only making me mad.

 

They could see him shrinking out of the corner of their eye and sighed again, reaching a hand up to feel the beanie. The material was just the right texture, between rough and soft. Must be made with some type of synthetic.

 

\- I wanted to pay, okay? We’re staying here for a while and eating your food so it’s only fair. – their hand curled around the green fabric before they looked away. – So now go grab your bowl before that gets as stiff as cement.

 

The blonde blinked and took a while to process over their words. It was almost like they were apologizing. And they rarely apologized for anything. A small smirk was drawn on Eligah’s lips as he leaned just the tiniest bit closer, immediately making Ruth aware of his presence. They wanted to swat him away like one would to a mosquito, but their arms weren’t cooperating.

 

\- You care about me, don’t you?

\- Shut the fuck up – came the grumbled reply, and a futile shuffle to the right, as they tried to have their personal space again.

 

That only made the man more amused, a evil glint on his eyes as he tackled forward and kissed their cheek, jumping out of the couch and quickly running out of the room giggling as Ruth swore loudly, threatening to kill him if he ever tried that again.

 


End file.
